Counting Lives Lost

The campus was quiet on Saturday when I visited DeAnza College in Cupertino, CA. I purposefully went looking for this exhibit, "Counting Lives Lost", unlike the few passersby who were curiously and accidentally drawn into this breathtaking display of "an abstract measurement of Grief".

Kathleen Crocetti of Watsonville, a Blue Star mother, whose son serves the country in the Air Force is the artist behind the exhibit. The traveling sculpture installation, depicts the almost 4,274 American casualties and almost 99,000 Iraqi dead since the beginning of the war in Iraq, each represented by a five-inch clay figure placed in a base of tons of sand.



Ms Crocetti's artist statement at the first display of her exhibit on Memorial Day 2006

I find that when numbers get past a certain size they are just big numbers, and the abstractness of numbers numb us to the reality of the situation. I have made one small 4 inch figure for every person who has died in Iraq since we invaded.

At this point in time for every US troop member we have lost there have been 16 Iraqi. It is important to me that we as a nation recognize not just our loses, but the losses we have caused. At the same time, honoring our own and being respectful of them is paramount to my piece/peace.

I want people on both sides of the war debate to come see my work, it is a memorial. Each American figure has an American Flag across his/her chest and then 16 anonymous shadow figures standing behind. The shadow figures represent the 1:16 ratio of Iraqi dead to American dead. The 1:16 ratio is very conservative; we do not know exactly how many Iraqis have died. Of the 39,400 known Iraqi dead only 3,500 of them have been named, the other 90% are anonymous to us. They are certainly not anonymous to their families.

During the last two months I have gotten our community involved in catching up with the Iraqi body count. During these work parties while we were cutting out clay bodies we talked.

In the making and the talking we feel as if we are doing something. Grieving is an active process, not a passive one, and recovery is a choice. It is my belief that as a nation we are in denial and have not yet begun to mourn. We need to start the grieving process now, because it is painful and uncomfortable and the sooner we start acknowledging our culpability and responsibility the sooner we will stop inflicting grief upon others.

Memorials are usually held after someone has died. Honoring those who have died on both sides of the battle field while the battle continues to rage makes my work political. It is my aim to honor those who have died as respectfully as possible while making the growing abstract number visible and tangible. War is war; I am not interested in conversations about how and why we got into this situation.

I am in mourning; eventually as a nation we will need to mourn the dead, maybe the sooner we get started the sooner we will stop.

I am in mourning, too. 5 years ago on Memorial Day, I received that knock on the door that so many military families fear. I was told that my son, 1Lt Ken Ballard was coming home from Iraq in a flag covered casket.

To see the human cost of war displayed in such a bold way as is on display at DeAnza College, should draw visitors in, to at least, have an internal conversation with themselves to ask if this loss of life is okay with them. The war has been sanitized and the costs kept under cover so that the general population has not been affected. We, Gold Star Families, who have lost a loved one in war, mourn the dead every day, but when will the rest of our country share in this grief? Ms Crocetti is right, "eventually as a nation we will need to mourn the dead, maybe the sooner we get started the sooner we will stop".

This installation will be on exhibit until June; I encourage you to visit and for you to view this abstract measurement of grief. If only for a few minutes, you will be able to share in the grief of the 4297 families, including my own.

Yesterday marked the 5 year anniversary of the death of Sgt Sherwood Baker and today is the 5 year anniversary of the death of Sgt Adam Estep- my thoughts are with their families and friends.

Having a pity party

Some days it sucks to be me and today is one of those days. Yesterday was the 5 year anniversary of the death of the son of one of my Gold Star Mom friends. None of us want that Gold Star pin that the military presents us at the funeral of our sons, but we sure as hell earned it the hard way. I wear my pin every day.

I left a message for my friend because that is what we do on these “death day” anniversaries. We remember because the general public does not. She called me back and told me she wasn’t really answering the phone on her anniversary; she was sure I understood and of course, I did. I don’t answer the phone much on May 30 either and all my Gold Star friends understand.

When my friend called me this morning she told me it was a hard day yesterday, and that today- the anniversary day of the day she got the news seemed even harder. She said that 5 years was weird. 5 long years. Thanks for the warning since I'm about 5 weeks away from my 5 year! I thought after the one year anniversary that things would get better, that all of the firsts without Ken would be behind me. Indeed they were, but then it became the 2nd birthday without, the 3rd Mother’s Day without, 4th Easter without, Christmas, death day anniversary and every day without Ken- forever.

This life as a Gold Star mom gets different but it doesn’t get better at all. Learning to live without Ken will always be the hardest thing that I do every day. Knowing I will never hear his voice, feel his hug and see that twinkle in his eye, that is the hard part. Truth be told, I find it very hard to think about living a long life without Ken. I look at Gold Star moms from the Viet Nam era and do not know how they have lived so long with a big hole in their hearts. I just don't know.

In the bloodiest day in more than a year, 75 Iraqi’s were killed today and at least 120 wounded in 2 explosions in Baghdad today. Everybody (in Iraq) knows somebody killed by the war Conversely, for the most part the people of the United States do not know anyone who was killed in Iraq or Afghanistan, because they don’t have to. They can live their life with and never think about the war and we Gold Star families live our lives forever changed because of that one knock on the door.

The cherry on top of this day is hearing all the details about the enhanced interrogations or torture approved and directed by senior members of the Bush administration. And no, these techniques weren't to prevent the scary mushroom cloud of another attack that was dangled in front of the country as the drums beat louder and louder on the way to the invasion of Iraq. According to a former senior U.S. intelligence officer, the Bush administration applied relentless pressure on interrogators to use harsh methods on detainees in part to find evidence of cooperation between al Qaida and the late Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein's regime.

Not only did the Bush administration lie about the reasons to go to war, they tortured in our name to get the evidence to prove ties between al Qaida and Iraq; ties that were never there. While I generally don't like to play "what if", that is a key component in a pity party. What if Bush was never president? How all of our lives would be different.

Special hugs to Mary for her anniversary this week and for Carrie & Ken for their 5 year anniversary next week.

Shaken Baby game disturbing

Just as the upcoming video game "Six Days in Fallujah" is disturbing and offensive to Gold Star families, the application for the iPhone called "Baby Shaker" is offensive to enough people that Apple has pulled the application. MSNBC reports:

A controversial program for the iPhone called "Baby Shaker" was added to, then pulled from, Apple's App Store this week after protests about the program's offensive nature dealing with a deadly serious subject.

Child protection groups were outraged by the 99-cent app for the iPhone and iPhone touch, which encourages those frustrated with babies' crying to shake them, or in this case, shake their devices to change drawings of a crying baby to a calm one.

Apple, "which notoriously and routinely rejects new apps from developers with a 'rigorous' vetting process, nonetheless apparently allowed this horrible application to be sold through its store," said the Sarah Jane Brain Foundation, whose aim is assist in the research of new developments for children with pediatric acquired brain injuries such as Shaken Baby Syndrome.

"Not only are they making fun of Shaken Baby Syndrome but they are actually encouraging it. This is absolutely terrible," said Marilyn Barr, founder of the National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome and a board member of the Sarah Jane Brain Foundation.

Apple, asked about why the Baby Shaker app was approved and how long it was available before being pulled, did not answer those questions.

"It was removed today," was the only statement Wednesday from Natalie Kerris of Apple.

Sikalosoft, listed as the developer of Baby Shaker, could not be reached for comment.

Baby Shaker was made available Monday in the App Store, according to Krapps.com, which first reported on the program.

The site, which says it covers the "lighter and krazy side of apps," said it wasn't on "some vigilante justice hunt," and believes there was no "malicious intent" on the part of the program's creator.

But, the site said, "Come on … combining the title Baby Shake with the objective of stopping an annoying crying baby is simply irresponsible and utterly idiotic. You would think Apple would stay totally clear of any iPhone app remotely resembling child abuse."

On its site, Sikalosoft describes Baby Shaker:

"On a plane, on the bus, in a theater. Babies are everywhere you don't want them to be! They're always distracting you from preparing for that big presentation at work with their incessant crying. Before Baby Shaker there was nothing you could do about it.

"Now, Baby Shaker gives you a charming drawing of a baby sure to make those with a less than iron will fawn. True to life, it begins to annoy you immediately. See how long you can endure his or her adorable cries before you just have to find a way to quiet the baby down!"

And almost as an afterthought there is this sentence: "Never, never shake a baby."

Apple, which should see its 1 billionth App Store program downloaded this week, has more than 25,000 programs in the App Store. The store, launched last summer, lets iPhone and iPod touch users directly download programs onto their devices. Early on, CEO Steve Jobs said the kinds of programs that would be rejected were those that deal with pornography, or with inadequate security.

The company has been criticized by software developers for not allowing other kinds of programs, such as those that pass digital gas, into the App Store.

Such apps ultimately were approved, although the developer of one, "Whoopie Cushion," was first told by Apple that his program did not "comply with Community Standards,” programs that have “any obscene, pornographic, offensive or defamatory content or materials of any kind (text, graphics, images, photographs, etc.) or other content or materials that in Apple’s reasonable judgment may be found objectionable by iPhone or iPod touch users.”

"Baby Shaker" may have been one that slipped through Apple's approval process. No matter.

Patrick Donohue, founder of the Sarah Jane Brain Foundation, said Wednesday he sent an e-mail to Apple executives that said, in part, "As the father of a 3-year-old who was shaken by her baby nurse when she was only five days old, breaking three ribs, both collarbones and causing a severe brain injury, words cannot describe my reaction."

What is wrong with people who design and release an application about shaking a baby? What is wrong with Apple's process that allowed this to be posted in their app store? How did this application pass their test of community standards? Are people that insensitive? I know the answer, I just don't want to say it out loud.

The War is not a Game- Part II

Full disclosure, I am not a gamer, I have not seen any previews of "Six Days in Fallujah" and I do not plan on seeing it if it is released. It isn't necessary. As the controversy over this video game continues, it is clear to me that Atomic Games doesn't want to understand the concerns of Gold Star families, those who lost a loved one in this Iraq war.

Several members of the military approached Atomic Games with the proposal to re-enact a horrific battle that they participated in and I'm pretty sure that they have the best interest of anyone who was in Fallujah during those awful days in November 2004 including their brothers who gave the ultimate sacrifice, but I still think this game is wrong. I wonder if they thought about the families who have been left behind, we Gold Star families who are still learning to live without our loved ones, who were killed in this war that continues to kill and maim to this day. We, whose hearts break a little more with the news of every new death in Iraq or Afghanistan; American or Iraqi, British, Dutch, Canadian or Afghani.

The gamer's message boards are wild discussing the negative reaction to this game and their preferred form of entertainment. I'm not sure how people can compare a book or a movie about war to a video game about war, especially to a specific battle, as "Six Days in Fallujah" might be. Films and books are entertaining in a different way, and have a fixed story. There are no "do overs" in a book or a film. When someone dies in a film or book, they are dead for the remainder, you don't start over and get another ending.

I also don't buy the argument that realistic war games have been made by the Army for recruiting and training purposes, so what's wrong with this one?

Less than 1% of the population of this country is affected by the war in any way and it is that disconnect that is bothersome. Those 1% are the members of the military and their families, the people who love them. I wish people could walk in my Gold Star Mom shoes for a minute. They might understand for that moment my experience of what it feels like to have lived in fear for 384 days while my son was deployed to Iraq or the agony of the last 5 years since he was killed in a deadly battle in Najaf. But really, it is not a minute or a life I would wish on anyone, ever.

Atomic Games President, Peter Tamte said "Ultimately, all of us are curious about what it would really be like to be in a war" But Mr Tamte found his reality in the safety of gaming and speaking to Marines who were involved in this battle that they seek to recreate. Hardly a realistic comparison to the real thing. Mr Tamte continues, "For us, the challenge was how to present the horrors of war in a game that is entertaining, but also gives people insight into a historical situation in a way that only a video game can provide". His comments provide no assurance to me and lead me to a nightmare image of people playing this game and laughing when they die, or laughing when they kill someone else, accidentally or intentionally. I imagine these gamers will laugh and exchange high fives at their success in this so-called game. When they are tired or bored, they go get a beer or a soda from the fridge, maybe go out and shoot some hoops, and then go back to the game to see how it ends this time. But for those who fight these battles in real life will live with the smell of the smoke and the blood, the sounds of war, the images of dead and wounded friends forever, and forever is a long time.

Tamte also said "Our goal is to give people that insight, of what it's like to be a Marine during that event, what it's like to be a civilian in the city and what it's like to be an insurgent." Regardless of realistic graphics and story lines, how can a game provide insight into being a Marine? A Marine's experience in battle is made up of his basic fiber from time in basic training, and every moment since they stepped onto the sands of Kuwait as they prepared to head into Iraq. For someone to expect insight by cranking on the Xbox and playing a war game for an hour is disrespectful to any member of the military and their training.

Konami and Atomic Games minimize the reality of an ongoing war and at the same time will profit off the deaths of our loved ones by making it 'entertaining' is despicable. Until Mr Tamte and others associated with Atomic Games and Konami have lost their only child in war, their opinion about the value of this game doesn't count. When they have walked in my shoes, then, and only then might I be willing to listen to them extoll the values of this kind of reality game.

Part of me believes that Atomic Games released details of the game to provoke. Any news is good news in business, eh? At least you get the public talking about your product and you'll sell more. That's how it works. I get that. But I also get that if I don't speak up about this game, then they will think it's okay with me and it's not.

Fallujah war game takes fire
Documentary or distasteful? New Fallujah video game stirs debate

The War is not a Game

Gold Star Families Speak Out Expresses Outrage
at Video Game Based on Deadly Battle in Iraq

Nationwide -- Members of Gold Star Families Speaks Out (GSFSO), family members of those killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, are expressing outrage at two companies that plan to release a video game that graphically recreates one of the Iraq war's bloodiest battles.

Atomic Games and Konami plan to release "Six Days in Fallujah" next year. The game is based on videos, photographs, and diary entries from veterans of a battle that claimed the lives of 38 U.S. troops and an estimated 1,500 Iraqis between November 7 and December 23, 2004. Discussing the game, Atomic Games President, Peter Tamte recently told a reporter that “For us, the challenge was how to present the horrors of war in a game that is entertaining, but also gives people insight into a historical situation in a way that only a video game can provide”

In a statement released Wednesday, Gold Star Families Speak Out said:

"Gold Star families continue to live with the horrors of war every day as we mourn the loss of our loved ones. We question how anyone can trivialize a war that continues to kill and maim members of the military and Iraqi civilians to this day.

"The war is not a game and neither was the Battle of Fallujah. For Konami and Atomic Games to minimize the reality of an ongoing war and at the same time profit off the deaths of people close to us by making it 'entertaining' is despicable."

"Just as Sony abandoned plans to launch a video game called Shock & Awe in 2003, Konami Atomic games should cancel their plans to release 'Six Days in Fallujah' before they instill more thoughtless pain on anyone"

GSFSO member Joanna Polisena, sister of Army Staff Sergeant Edward Carman, Killed in Action in Iraq on April 17, 2004 added “When our loved one's 'health meter' dropped to '0', they didn't get to 'retry' the mission. When they took a bullet, they didn't just get to pick up a health pack and keep 'playing'...they suffered, they cried, they died. We - their parents, siblings, spouses, children and friends - absolutely find it disgusting and repulsive that those so far detached (and clinging to denial of reality) find it so easy to poke fun at such a thing.”

Joan Maymi, whose nephew, Captain Ernesto Manuel Blanco-Caldas, was Killed in Action in Iraq on December 28, 2003 said, “Unless you have suffered the death of loved one like we have, or are caring for the ones who have returned wounded, either physically or psychologically, our country has removed the immediacy of this war from their daily lives. To trivialize it in a video game and continue to desensitize our society from the scope of violence war entails goes beyond words."

Members of Gold Star Families Speak Out are available for interview.

Gold Star Families Speak Out, a national chapter of Military Families Speak Out, includes families whose loved ones have died as a result of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Military Families Speak Out is an organization of people opposed to the war in Iraq who have relatives or loved ones who are currently in the military or who have served in the military since the buildup to the Iraq war in the fall of 2002. Formed by two families in November of 2002, MFSO now has over 4,000 member families.

http://www.commondreams.org/newswire/2009/04/08-16

Lifting the Media Ban at Dover AFB

Welcome Home SSgt Phillip Myers

The world did not fall off it's axis; neither the sun nor the moon exploded as the 747 touched down at Dover AFB Sunday night.

30-year-old Staff Sgt. Phillip Myers of Hopewell, Va. came home on Sunday night. His body was returned to Dover AFB from Afghanistan in a flag covered casket. His honor ceremony was a repeat of the same ceremony that has welcomed home nearly 5000 members of the US military, who were casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan. Nothing was different about this ceremony, except SSgt Philips ceremony was photographed and the images of his casket being removed from the plane were shared with our country.

Since the early 90's the media has been banned from taking photographs of this solemn and honorable ceremony. SSgt Myer's family gave permission for the ceremony to be photographed and so it was. We have now seen the dignity and respect which are afforded to our casualties of war, our sons and daughters, our mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters and the world has not changed, if only to become a little more sad at this profound loss. By all accounts the media was professional, as I expected they would be.

Air Force SSgt Myers was killed April 4 after being hit with an improvised explosive device(IED. He was 30 years old and leaves behind a widow.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images

For those of us who fought for the media ban to be lifted, it was a long fought battle, but it is no victory; we never got the photograph of our loved one's ceremony.

We send our troops off to war with fanfare and much pride; it is time the return home in the same fashion, regardless if they are alive or dead. We have now seen the dignity and high respect which are afforded our casualties of war, our sons and daughters, our mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters as their bodies return to the US. As a country, tonight we are allowed to share in the grief of SSgtMyers family and friends and we are allowed to mourn his death. My thoughts are with his family and friends during this very difficult time.

Welcome Home SSgt Myers, welcome home.

CNN did a followup story to the interview I did in February when the lifting of the media ban was announced.

Fox jokester Greg Gutfeld and friends smear the Canadian military

There are some things that make my blood boil. I can usually understand how people might think something is funny, even if it isn't my brand of humor, but Fox has gone over the line again.

Today, my vote for my "Worst Person in the World" is Greg Gutfeld with his juvenile, insensitive, and offensive show Red Eye, not surprisingly on Fox . This "Daily Show" wannabe was not funny, is not funny and will never be funny, and this episode goes over the top. Gutfeld and his Red Eye sidekicks Doug Benson, Jonathan Hoenig, Monica Crowley and Bill Schulz need a real long time out for their comments about the Canadian Army. Newshounds describes the controversial segment like this:

FOX News' Greg Gutfeld has never put his own fanny on the line for his country but that didn't stop him and a similarly non-serving Red Eye panel from mocking the Canadian military as a bunch of slackers while overlooking the extremely heavy casualties it has received assisting the United States in the war in Afghanistan. As part of the “joke,” Gutfeld also suggested the Canadian military is making us more vulnerable to attack.

The recent YouTube video below, called “How to lose friends and alienate countries,” posted by “taffyincanada,” shows an episode of Red Eye, FOX News' answer to The Daily Show, in which Gutfeld repeatedly smeared and jeered the Canadian military. Gutfeld either was ignorant of or deliberately withheld from the audience the fact that the Canadian military is fighting in one of the most dangerous pockets in Afghanistan and has suffered a disproportionately high number of casualties (In 2007, it was 2.6 - 4 times higher than British or American soldiers in Afghanistan and 2.6 times higher than the death toll of U.S. Soldiers in Iraq). Not long ago, Canada's Lieutenant General Andrew Leslie announced that, the Afghanistan mission is taking a dramatic toll on the military and, due to personnel and equipment shortages, it may need a “year-long break from operations when its current mission in Afghanistan ends in 2011."

If you want to watch and hear the whole 4 minutes of this stupid conversation, here ya go.


It's too bad people like this have a platform for their so-called humor. It's too bad people like this don't understand what service to your country means. It's too bad that people like this don't understand that when you disrespect the brothers in arms of our soldiers, you are disrespecting our soldiers, too.

Gutfeld did offer his version of an apology, that wasn't an apology at all. The Canadian Press reports that Gutfeld said he never intended to make light of Canadian military efforts in Afghanistan. "However, I realize that my words may have been misunderstood," Gutfeld said in a statement released by Fox News. "It was not my intent to disrespect the brave men, women and families of the Canadian military, and for that I apologize. Misunderstood, indeed! Gutfeld's words just showed how ignorant and insensitive he is. He doesn't know the meaning of service and he will never be the man that my son, 1Lt Ken Ballard and all of the 4931 US members of the military killed in Iraq & Afghanistan or the 116 Canadian soldiers who have been killed in Afghanistan were. He owes an apology to every military member who has served and to every family of the fallen. That would take awhile, but if he is any kind of a man, he will start with those individual apologies today. Unlike the Canadian Defence Minister who accepted Gutfeld's apology, I'm not so sure I would. We Gold Star families don't have much of a sense of humor about these kinds of things.

I believe in the Freedom of Speech and I believe that there are consequences to that, too. I don't really like giving people like this the attention they so obviously and desperately crave, but they deserve to be called out on this ignorant and despicable behavior. The internet makes sure that they will not be able to deny their ugly and sophomoric words, because here it is, in their own words. Greg, Jonathan, Monica, Doug and Bill? Bet you're feeling pretty proud of yourselves now.

6 years in Iraq

As we mark the 6 year anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, few people notice that the war continues. The lack of coverage in the media demonstrates that our citizens are weary of the war and suffer from Iraq fatigue.

Today our country is obsessed and outraged with bailouts and bonuses in the financial sector, but where is the outrage about the $10 billion per month that we spend every month for operations in Iraq? Where is the anger at the $3 trillion dollars that this war will cost, a debt that we will hand to our children and their children for many generations? Where is the outrage for 4259 dead and at least 30,000 wounded US members of the military? Why is there no interest in the dead, wounded and displaced Iraqis?

President Obama's campaign plan for a 16 month withdrawal has turned into 19 months and even then there will be 50,000 US troops occupying Iraq. How many families will suffer along with their loved one's as they recover from the sometimes forever mental or physical wounds of war? How many more young men and women will leave this earth from the sands of Iraq in these next 16 or 19 months? How many families will answer that knock on the door only to be greeted by a messenger who will change their life forever?

We mourn the losses that this war has brought to our country and we are disappointed in President Obama who called this a “dumb war”, but continues the failed policies of the Bush administration. After 6 years of death and devastation in Iraq, it is time to bring the troops home and take care of them when they get here.

Beyond Tribute

This morning I heard about an organization called Beyond Tribute, They explain their organization this way:

Memorial Day is the solemn time when we honor those who gave their lives for our freedom, the families they left behind, and those who still serve.

And, over the years, it has also become an American business tradition to pay tribute on Memorial Day with holiday sales; "Memorial Day Sale - Save 25%!"

But today, hundreds of thousands of wounded veterans and military families suffer from a lack of essential support. So now we must go Beyond Tribute and actually help our wounded veterans.

The Beyond Tribute campaign is changing how we celebrate Memorial Day by making it possible for businesses to donate a portion of their holiday period sales to actually help our heroes in need. It is that simple

Most people who have stopped by this blog know that my son, 1Lt Ken Ballard was killed in Iraq on 5.30.2004. We got the knock on the door on Memorial Day. While most people were on a shopping spree, Ken's friends and family were struggling to figure out what life without Ken would mean to us. As a 4th generation Army officer, Ken and we knew the importance of Memorial Day and Veteran's Day, but Ken's death made it personal. I have frequently bemoaned the fact that people and businesses look to those days as a day for sales with no regard to the sacrifices our military and their families are making every single day.

Most Americans have not been affected by these wars in Iraq & Afghanistan. After 7 years in Afghanistan and 6 in Iraq, it always surprises me when I am the first Gold Star Mom that people have met. I know that most people do not know the struggles of military families and veterans as they attempt to get their old lives back when they return from the battlefront. I also know that most people would support the troops and veterans if they knew how. It's time for businesses to step up and show their support for our wounded veterans and their families. This is one way they can do that.

The mission statement from Beyond Tribute seems well thought out:

Our mission is to redefine our Memorial Day and Veterans Day holidays by engaging the American business community and its customers in a national campaign that will raise charitable dollars to benefit those who are struggling with the wounds of war, including the invisible wounds: PTSD, traumatic brain injury and combat-induced anxiety and depression. Funds raised go directly to top rated charities that help veterans in need throughout the USA.

I really like the part about funds raised go directly to "top rated charities". I'm not sure which charities are on their radar, but please check Charity Navigator before you make any donations. While there are many good charities that support veterans, there are also many more whose funding is deplorable. Charity Navigator does a good job of breaking down the information.

The Beyond Tribute website has been recently updated but it still has a long way to go to get businesses signed up and to get the word out. I'm doing what I can do, I hope you'll do the same.

Soldiers still waiting for tour bonuses

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

I don't care who is holding up payments to soldiers who were promised monthly bonuses of up to $500 and were forced to remain on active duty beyond their enlistment period and have not been paid - that can wait for a minute. "Senior officials are disappointed that the recent trend has been going in the wrong direction with respect to the numbers (of soldiers currently stop-lossed)," If Senior Pentagon officials are "disappointed", what do you think the military members who are on stop loss and their families are? I don't think disappointed is how they would or should describe it. Outraged? Angry? Perhaps, they are just beaten down from the neglect. They sign a contract and expect the military to honor their side of it, but it just doesn't happen that way without a fight.

Congress approves funding for a program, civilians think it's done and they go on their merry way. A commission on the state of military hospitals is called, civilians think the hospitals are fixed and they go on their merry way. And when it comes to the followup, I assure you that burden falls in the laps of those members of the military and their families.

According to Gregg Zaroya at USA Today in an article on February 22, 2009,

Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman acknowledged the five-month delay in paying the bonuses and said the Defense Department is working on a plan to start paying the almost 13,000 soldiers currently under the Army's stop-loss orders. Although Defense Secretary Robert Gates wants to end the policy, the number of soldiers affected has risen since the middle of 2007.

Congress added $72 million to pay for the bonuses in its plan for the budget year that started Oct. 1. The money was to be paid after the Pentagon submitted a plan outlining how the payments would be made.

But no plan has been submitted.

Many people familiar with the term "stop loss", to keep a troop beyond their enlistment contract or retirement date think "stop-loss" is a back door draft. Remember, these troops have fulfilled their military contract and now the Department of Defense just institutes a "stop-loss", voila! no contract end date, no going home soldier, until the DOD tells you to!

Since 2002, the military has relied on stop loss to keep its most skilled and experienced troops in the service. The Army is the only service that has used it in the past five years, according to a Congressional Research Service report released last month. The number of soldiers affected by stop loss peaked in 2005 at 15,758.

Gates first directed the Army to minimize the use of stop loss in January 2007. However, after falling to 8,540 in May 2007, the number of soldiers on stop loss has risen to almost 13,000 in December 2008, Army records show.

If Senior Pentagon officials are disappointed, they need to get un-disappointed. These troops were made a promise by Congress and the DOD and they expected that to be honored. The money is in the budget and it needs to be distributed as promised. I know the DOD can do better for our troops- it's time they show us how. If they can't figure it out, perhaps Congress needs to help them.

The Haters are back

The people who I call the Haters are those who keep a blog, or troll the internet making comments on blogs about whatever subject they want with little regard for the truth. They generally have poor writing & spelling skills. They frequently post their hate-filled lies under the name "Anonymous". They are more patriotic than anyone in the world, ever (sarcasm intended). Of course, there is no need for them to validate any facts, because their bully-pulpit gives them enough power to feel that the facts will only mess up their argument and the truth isn't one of their values anyway.

Back in September 2005, when the Army told me the truth about how my son 1Lt Ken Ballard was really killed in Iraq, 15 months after the fact, the Haters came after me in force. They associated me with people I had never met. They accused me of lying about specific conversations and wanting to know why I wanted to know the truth, even though it was the Army who lied to me and not me to them. Never having walked in my shoes, the verbal attacks continued. Mostly, they accused me of disrespecting my son, hating the military and not supporting the troops. Sadly, when their noise becomes loud enough, some people do start to listen. I didn't feel the need to defend myself then, although I did take the time at least once. 4 years ago I chose to take the high road, as I will this time. I know my truth and I am comfortable with it.

The Haters have crawled out from under their rocks and have plenty to say about me and my suppor of the recent lifting of the ban of media coverage of flag covered caskets returning to military installations,particularly, Dover AFB. I’ll not point you to the particular blogs; they are easy enough to find, if you wish to put on your waders and sink into the muck with them. The Hater's world is black and white, with miles in between them and an intelligent conversation or disagreement. For them it’s "their way or the high way”! These Haters, who spew venom and lies wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked them upside their Neanderthal heads. I would try to set them straight, but they don’t want to know my truth or any truth at all. I know many people who understand the argument for lifting the ban. They may not agree with me, but they understand, not so much with the Haters.

It might be nice to live in a world of black and white, where everything is thus or so. But that isn’t the real world; shades of grey and black & white color the real world. Not ALL military families feel the same about anything, just as not ALL republicans think the same about everything (although I do think you could make a case that ALL haters think the same way about everything, it must be in their genetic make-up and as they march lock-step alongside hateful, obstructionist politicians and others). ALL military families did not want the media ban lifted and not ALL wanted it to remain in place and the same is true even within Gold Star Family population. We all came to this journey from different places in our hearts, in our cities and in our states. We all have reasons for wanting or not wanting a photo, and those reasons should be respected even if they are not understood.

Haters live in a cookie cutter world where one size fits all, black is black, as long as the haters are making the rules and as long as they say so. There is no room for any other opinion regardless of empirical evidence; no need for facts, thank you kindly, just move along, your opinion is not welcome in their world. They tell hateful jokes, admitting they are "bad", while slapping each on their good old boy back and falling on the floor laughing at whoever took the brunt of their not-so-funny joke.

The anonymity of the internet allows them to spread their hate-filled venom and hide behind the name "Anonymous". I'm not sure who is more of a bully, though. The haters who do sign their names are puffing their chests and are looking for a fight and as long as they can hit the "enter" button from far off in cyberspace, they remain physically safe.

It's not about truth, it's about how loud and ugly they can type and I've given them enough of my time. How about we just leave them to play by themselves?

No More

If you haven't seen the movie, Body of War, I suggest you do. It may be difficult to watch, but watching the effects of war would be.

This is a video from Eddie Vetter, who wrote this song, "No More" for the film, Body of War.

"No More" Music Video / Eddie Vedder

Valentines Peeps for Ken

Ken & I had a weird affinity for Peeps®. Whenever Just Born, Inc made them available, we were there. Ken got original chick Peeps® at Easter, of course, hearts on Valentines Day, Christmas trees at Christmas. We even laughed about research on Peeps®.

Since Ken was killed in Iraq in 2004, Peeps® have made me smile and make me think about Ken. When I am able to visit Arlington National Cemetery, I always leave behind seasonal Peeps® as our little inside joke. More often than not though, the Peeps I buy just in case I have the opportunity to fly back to DC, sit on my kitchen counter.

Ken got his Peeps® this Valentines Day! Many thanks to my friends, Neil Sr & Diane Santoreillo, parents of 1Lt Neil Santoriello, Jr, who made the trip to Section 60 at Arlington to visit their son's grave on Valentines day. Thanks, guys, for leaving the Peeps® and the flowers. I'm sure Ken knows his Moms was thinking of him.

Taking Chance

HBO has done a pretty good job of producing important films about the Iraq war like Baghdad ER and Section 60: Arlington National Cemetery, which I have written about here. HBO will show a new film called “Taking Chance” starting February 21, 2009, which I also recommend. Chance is Lance Corporal Chance Phelps who was killed in Iraq in April 2004. "Taking Chance" is the story of the Escort Officer who escorts the body of Lance Corporal Phelps home from Dover AFB in Delaware to Chance's final resting place in Wyoming. HBO provides this synopsis:

In April 2004, Lieutenant Colonel Michael Strobl, USMC, came across the name of 19-year-old Lance Corporal Chance Phelps, a young Marine who had been killed by hostile fire in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. Strobl, a Desert Storm veteran with 17 years of military service, requested that he be assigned for military escort duty to accompany Chance's remains to his family in Dubois, Wyo.

Witnessing the spontaneous outpouring of support and respect for the fallen Marine - from the groundskeepers he passed along the road to the cargo handlers at the airport - Strobl was moved to capture the experience in his personal journal. His first-person account, which began as an official trip report, gives an insight into the military's policy of providing a uniformed escort for all casualties. The story became an Internet phenomenon when it was widely circulated throughout the military community and eventually reached the mainstream media.

'Taking Chance' chronicles one of the silent, virtually unseen journeys that takes place every day across the country, bearing witness to the fallen and all those who, literally and figuratively, carry them home. A uniquely non-political film about the war in Iraq, the film pays tribute to all of the men and women who have given their lives in military service as well as their families.

My older sister, a retired Army nurse sent me LTC Strobl's article in August 2004, about 2 months after my son 1Lt Ken Ballard was killed. She had seen the story in April 2004 when it was first posted on the internet but she saved it to show me after Ken returned from Iraq and was out of harms way. It didn’t turn out that way. I had seen the article when Ken was still alive and was extremely moved by Lt Col Strobl’s story. Military families are told that the journey home from Iraq or Afghanistan was one filled with dignity and respect. Unfortunately, the Bush administration had done a good job of keeping the honors afforded our casualties a secret with the ban on photographs of flag covered caskets. This film shows us the journey and we are able to see of the dignity and respect. We will see a glimpse of the outpouring of respect and sympathy along the journey as well as the military traditions that are performed as a flag covered casket makes it's final journey home.

When Ken's body was returned to San Francisco airport on that awful day in June 2004, the civilian airline employees & TSA employees stood in silence with their hats respectfully removed as they watched his flag covered casket being offloaded from the plane and loaded into the hearse, just as the trailer shows. Ken's personal effects, his dog tags, his Cavalry spurs and his unit belt buckle were given to me when we arrived at our hometown, just as the journal describes. I imagine the rest of the journey of Ken's escort officer paralleled that of LTC Strobl. When you watch this film, remember that this isn't Hollywood; this honorable and difficult journey has taken place in the United States nearly 5000 times since October 2001.

Thanks to HBO, Kevin Bacon, Brad Krevoy, Cathy Wischer-Sola, William Teitler, Lori Keith Douglas, Ross Katz, and Lieutenant Colonel Michael Strobl for their part in making this film and for understanding that this is a story that needs to be told. Special thanks to Chance’s family for allowing the story to be told and for letting the country share in your grief.

Special thoughts to the nearly 5000 families and the brave men and women who perform the duties of an Escort officer. Thank you for taking care of our loved ones.

Ban on photographs of flag covered coffins

The story about the ban on photographs of flag covered caskets of fallen soldiers has been gaining some traction since Monday night when a CNN reporter asked President Obama whether the policy was being reviewed. Obama responded that "we are in the process of reviewing those policies in conversations with the Department of Defense.". That's good news.

It is also good news to read that Secretary Gates said "I think that looking at it again makes all kinds of sense," and that he was "pretty open to whatever the results of this review may be." He had even raised the possibility of changing it as recently as a year ago when the Bush administration renewed it's enforcement of the ban. There was never a chance to lift the ban during the Bush administration, although when I met with former Secretary of the Army, Francis Harvey, he seemed interested in at least reviewing the policy.

I take this ban on photographs of the flag covered caskets a little personally. On Memorial Day morning 2004, when I was notified of the death of my only child, 1Lt Ken Ballard in Iraq I requested a photograph of his flag-covered casket being returned to Dover AFB. I wanted to see that his body was treated with dignity and respect. I was denied that request with the response that it was "against Army regulations" and "for the privacy of the family". There are no words to describe how devastating this response was to me and caused further pain to my already aching heart. A photograph was never provided to me. Although we have been assured of the dignity and respect afforded our returning casualties, I will never see how the military welcomed him home.

The military has said the policy is meant to protect the privacy of the families of the dead soldiers and maintain dignity. With no identification on these caskets, I do not understand how this policy is "for the privacy of the family". We should rather consider a concept called the Dover Test. Bryan Bender of the Boston Globe describes it"people speak of 'the Dover test,' Pentagon parlance for how many casualties Americans can stomach before they begin in large numbers to question whether the cause is worth so many American lives." But, he noted, "The Defense Department continues to ban any photographs or observation of the bodies returning from overseas."

I am also perplexed when people say it should be the soldier who decides if a photograph is taken of their flag covered casket. Really? An Army who can't even insure that a soldier has a will, much less a properly executed one, is going to make that same soldier decide if a photo should be taken of their casket in the unfortunate circumstances of their death? Please!

The New York Times also reported that Gates said he was told -- he did not say by whom -- that allowing photographers would put undue pressure on families to go to Dover themselves and that in some cases that would be a hardship. During those first awful days after a family is told that their loved one is not coming home alive and while they are waiting about a week for the body to be returned, I seriously doubt that many, if any families consider a trip to Dover AFB, the mortuary for the Department of Defense. Making plans to go to Dover never got on my to-do list that week and the trip never occurred to me; I was lucky to get out of bed. I have never heard from a Gold Star family that would have liked to go to Dover unless it was the nearest airport to their home. Finally, a service member's return to their home airport is generally met with some kind of honor guard or welcome ceremony from the military (although early in the war many families picked up their loved ones caskets at the cargo area of the airport, but that is another story-they tried that on me, but I refused). Dover is how the military honors our loved ones; the local airport is for the local community. This argument about families feeling the need to go to Dover should be put to rest.

When Ken came home to San Francisco on June 8, 2004, he arrived in the belly of a US Airways jet, his casket covered with the red, white & blue of a United States flag. I was on the tarmac when the plane pulled up and the first glimpse of his casket was heart wrenching and possibly as difficult a moment as when I was first notified of his death 8 days before. The airline, TSA and public service employees treated his casket with dignity and respect as should have been afforded him. This ceremony also included an Army Honor Guard and an Army Color Guard. A television station filmed the ceremony and there were photographers present. I was not aware of their presence and not one of them interfered with my privacy. Maybe I was lucky; maybe I was fortunate to have professional journalists assigned to cover Ken's return. The reason you see these photographs is because the ban only applies to military facilities.

When you hear that 1 soldier has been killed in war, you might pause. When you hear that the US casualty count from Iraq and Afghanistan is 4886, you might pause a little longer. But when you see an image of a flag covered casket, it should make the viewer pause for a moment and grieve for the family during this most difficult time. It's the least we can do for the Gold Star families. After 8 years of war, it is time for this nation to participate in these homecomings, even as a viewer of a photograph.

See the difference of how Canada honors their war dead as they return home along the Highway of Heroes. And in Wooten Bassett, a small town right outside of British Royal Air Force Base in Lyneham, England, the community gathers each time as British war dead make their final journey home. It's time the US learns something from other members of the world community of how they honor, not hide their returning warriors. We should do better. We can do better. Yes, we can.

Dear President Obama- Lift the ban on photographs of flag covered coffins

Dear President Obama-

I am writing with a request that I hope you will consider. I know that you are working on many priorities that may seem to be more important than this, but I hope you will understand the importance of this request and find a way to consider and change a longstanding and ill-advised policy. Since lifting the ban on photographs of flag covered caskets was discussed during your press conference on February 9, I think it is time for you to make a decision.

Please review the current Department of Defense policy regarding the ban for taking photographs of the flag covered caskets of US casualties as they process through Dover AFB and other military installations. Please allow these photographs to be taken and shared with the families and our country. That this policy was allowed to survive and even thrive since 1991 since it was instituted by then Assistant Secretary of Defense Richard Cheney, is an insult to our loved ones and their families.

You wear a KIA bracelet honoring the service of Sergeant Ryan David Jopeck, and I wear a bracelet, too. My bracelet honors my son, 1Lt Ken Ballard. On Memorial Day morning 2004, when I was notified of the death of my only child, 1Lt Ken Ballard in Iraq I requested a photograph of his flag-covered casket being returned to Dover. I wanted to see that his body was treated with dignity and respect. I was denied that request with the response that it was "against Army regulations" and "for the privacy of the family". There are no words to describe how devastating this response was to me and caused further pain to my already aching heart. A photograph was never provided to me. I will never see how the military welcomed him home. With no identification on these caskets, I do not understand how this policy is "for the privacy of the families".

My son was a 4^th generation Army officer. Ken loved his tanks and he especially loved his soldiers and serving his country in the Army. How insulting to hide his return to his beloved United States. How insulting to Americans who are not allowed to grieve as a nation when these young men and women come home.

My son's return to US soil was one part of his journey home and to his final resting place at Arlington National Cemetery. Although Ken did not return alive as we prayed he would, his return was still part of the story of his life and yet I have no photographic documentation of that journey into the United States.

We are told these caskets arrive and are processed with great honor as should be accorded to one of our brave service members who have given his or her final measure of devotion for our country. We are told the ceremony is respectful, dignified and moving. But we families do not know as we are not encouraged to be at Dover and photographs are not shared with us.

For too long the Bush administration forced the sacrifice of the human cost of war only on military families in an attempt to minimize the wars affect on our country. How can our nation mourn with the Gold Star families if we do not see these images? How can we grieve for the loss? How will future generations know what the cost of these wars were without photographic images?

The First Lady has said that she will focus her time in the White House on military families. Please remember that we, Gold Star families will always be military families.

President Obama, please consider this request from a Gold Star Mom to allow our nation to share our grief by allowing photographic coverage as these flag covered caskets make their final journey home.

The continuing saga of my bumper sticker

It’s about that dang bumper sticker again. You know, the one on my car that says

BUSH LIED

MY SON DIED

1LTKEN BALLARD KIA 5.30.2004 NAJAF, IRAQ

For the record, my metallic gray Prius also sports an Obama 08 campaign sticker and an oval white sticker that says 01.02.09. While some might, I don’t think it is offensive or disrespectful of anyone, least of all my son. I think I have mentioned that I have gotten some responses in the way of notes from people who were touched by the sentiment. Up until yesterday, they were all positive. Additionally they were all signed, at least with a name, some had an email address, if I was so inclined to get in touch.

I attended a Veteran's Community meeting yesterday at the Livermore Veteran's Hospital in California. It is in a lovely rural setting; the first sign you see instructs "Please Do Not Feed the Turkeys". Very serene, very calming. We had an instructive and positive meeting hearing from Vets, advocates for vets and others

I was feeling pretty good when we walked out after several hours of hunkering down. I was heading to dinner with my fellow Gold Star Moms, Nadia & Mary. Stuck under the windshield wiper on my car was this unsigned note

Shame on you! Your son died for what he believed in. He fought honorably for our country and what we stand for. As a fellow veteran of OIF 1 & 2 you are dragging our son's name in the dirt. You should be honored your son was willing to die for his country helping other people.

Really? Disrespecting my son? Oh man, come on! I thought we had left that "us vs them, I'm more patriotic than you" attitude behind us at the very least on January 20, 2009. I guess not. We've still got work to do!

18 deaths too many

I felt a sickening wave of deja vu when I read the press release from Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND) and Senator Bob Casey (D-PA) .

SENATORS DEMAND ANSWERS FROM DOD ABOUT ELECTROCUTIONS OF SOLDIERS, WANT DEFENSE SECRETARY TO MEET WITH THEM AND MOTHER OF ELECTROCUTED SOLDIER ON CONTRACTOR ACCOUNTABILITY

(WASHINGTON, D.C.) --- Two U.S. Senators today are requesting a meeting with Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and the mother of a U.S. soldier who has been informed by an Army investigator that her son’s death by electrocution at his base in Baghdad has been re-classified by the Army from “accidental” to “negligent homicide” by contractor KBR and two of its supervisors.

U.S. Senator Byron Dorgan (D-ND) chaired a July 11, 2008, Senate Democratic Policy Committee hearing that looked into the death of Staff Sgt. Ryan Maseth and 12 other U.S. soldiers electrocuted on Army bases in Iraq. Following the hearing, Dorgan and Senator Bob Casey (D-PA) requested that the Pentagon conduct a theatre-wide investigation into KBR’s work on electrical installations in Iraq. In response, the Army conducted a review of the matter and, while asking KBR to improve its performance, continued to rely on KBR to inspect much of its own work and has not imposed any penalties on the company.

In response, the Army agreed to conduct a thorough investigation into the matter, but then decided to use KBR to perform much of the review.

Testimony at Dorgan’s hearing last July by former KBR employees disclosed that KBR hired unqualified third country nationals to do electrical wiring at U.S. military bases in Iraq.

Given the latest development, including possible negligent homicide charges against the contractor, Senators Dorgan and Casey have asked Defense Secretary Gates to meet with them and Maseth’s mother, Cheryl Harris, to discuss the process that the Department of Defense intends to follow to guarantee full accountability for any contractor misconduct that relates to the electrocutions of U.S. troops in Iraq.
Dorgan noted the Army originally told Harris her son was electrocuted because he carried an electrical appliance into the shower. The Army later retreated from that account, saying Staff Sgt. Maseth was electrocuted by wires hanging above the shower, an account that was also inaccurate.

“I believe DOD has been less than truthful to the families of soldiers who were electrocuted at military bases in Iraq because of shoddy contract work. It’s time or some straight talk about accountability,” Dorgan said.

“Those who receive contracts to serve our soldiers have an obligation to do so responsibly,” Dorgan said. “We want to know what Secretary Gates intends to do to ensure that contractors are acting responsibly, particularly in light of the Army’s reported finding that KBR and its supervisors may have been criminally negligent. We also want to know why the DOD has not pursued a process to debar contractors who are fleecing our taxpayers and putting soldiers at risk.”

“The news Cheryl Harris received from an Army CID that her son Ryan Maseth’s death has changed classification from 'accidental' to 'negligent homicide' and singles out not just two KBR employees, but the company itself, for potential criminal liability is a significant development,” said Senator Bob Casey. “This revelation validates the perseverance of Cheryl Harris, Ryan’s mother, in
seeking all the facts behind Ryan’s death. We must not only ensure that full accountability is served in this case, but that the Pentagon is also doing all that it can to prevent future electrocutions of American personnel in both Iraq and Afghanistan. We must put an end to our troops continuing to get put in harms way when they are doing something so simple as taking a shower.”

As Chairman of the Senate Democratic Policy Committee, Dorgan has chaired 18 oversight hearings on contracting abuses and corruption in Iraq and Afghanistan. The hearings exposed billions of dollars in wasteful spending and numerous accounts of U.S. soldiers, already serving in harm’s way, being put at grave risk due to shoddy work by contractors, and by unsafe water supplies provided by our troops by contractors who failed to do their jobs.

It wasn't the circumstances of the death of Staff Sgt. Ryan Maseth as it was the way the Army handled it. There continue to be too many cases where the family is told one thing and the truth is not revealed until the Army has been backed into a corner. As a Gold Star mother who was not told the truth about my son's death in Iraq for 15 months, I can assure you that families only want to know the truth and we shouldn't have to wait until the lie is caught. It is insulting and disrespectful and extremely stupid for the Army to think that we will not find out in other ways. In this age of technology, we will; pure and simple, we will. When will they learn?

That there was a problem with shoddy workmanship goes back at least to July 2007. That the electrocutions of soldiers in Iraq caused by the faulty wiring performed by KBR is still a story is outrageous. That one soldier, let alone 18 soldiers, have been killed in these so-called accidents is criminal. That in 2008 the Army let KBR handle the investigations into these deaths is equally criminal. That KBR is still in business and has not been held accountable to the highest position is beyond me. Maybe, just maybe, now that the long reach of former Vice-President Dick Cheney has been removed from influencing government contracts and with a new administration, we can expect a different kind of attention to be focused on this kind of egregious and deadly behavior.

Kudos to Senators Dorgan and Casey for keeping this story in the news and for pursuing the bad guys. I hope that Cheryl Maseth gets that meeting with Secretary Robert Gates. I hope he looks into her eyes and tells her that no other soldier will be electrocuted due to the negligence of KBR or any other contractor. I hope he tells her how sorry he is that the Army didn't do better for Ryan. I hope he tells her that he has ordered a new Inspector General investigation into these deaths and that charges will be filed when the investigation is complete. I hope he tells her that KBR will be debarred, not suspended, from any federal work. Nothing will bring Ryan back but knowing that her son's death and her own perseverance will prevent another death should matter. I know Ryan is very proud of his mom.

Fitting Goodbye to Bush

The final door on this Bush administration is closing. The final goodbye last night was the final chapter in the Bush Legacy Tour, this view of the past eight years through George Bush's rose-colored glasses. It's too bad there was no view of the past eight years from our vantage point, a cold, hard view of the reality of the damage done during the Bush administration. And it is nearly over.

Never the uniter, always the divider, George Bush's tone was exclusive. His administration was a renewal of the bank accounts of his friends and corporations in general, but never a renewal of America.

Most people I know could not stand to watch Bush speak, regardless of the occasion. They couldn't stand to listen to his voice, his insensitive, threatening, fear-filled rhetoric. Maybe they never did watch or listen to him, but I did and at nearly every opportunity. From that night in 2000 watching the election results; much like watching an accident unfolding in slow motion. And so it was, Bush became the 43rd president of the United States of America. I was unhappy with the results, but my sense was that Bush's presidency would last only 4 years and how bad could it be? How much damage could he do? I wish I knew then what I know now. I didn't like or appreciate the folksiness of George W Bush. Why would you want to have a president who you would share a beer with? So, I watched and I listened, I guess because I didn't trust that he had the best interest of our country or it's citizens in mind. Maybe just maybe I watched and listened expecting that I would hear just a glimmer of hope for something positive from this administration, but that never came.

How could I or why would I miss the last opportunity to watch George Bush in his official capacity as the president? Watching him say goodbye was sweet. I never expected any particular great content or deep thought from this president, but I always watched, never disappointed that he would disappoint and so often pained with what he said.

Over the years, as I watched George Bush speak, my responses varied. I shouted, I yelled, I flipped him off and I cried. I cried so many tears of despair and sorrow as he spoke, but I couldn't stop this obsession. As Bush tried to assure us that he "always acted with the best interests of our country in mind. I have followed my conscience and done what I thought was right. You may not agree with some of the tough decisions I have made. But I hope you can agree that I was willing to make the tough decisions." As always, he didn't understand what the country wanted and so many of us do not agree. We didn't care about the tough decisions, ALL decisions made by a president may be difficult. We cared about him making the right decisions for this country and that he never did.

So, in the final minutes of his official goodbye, I became inspired for my final goodbye to George W Bush as President of the United States. I had already yelled and shouted and cried in those 13 minutes, but as he said his goodbye, I mooned him. Yep, in the privacy of my own home, I turned away from this president, dropped my drawers and I mooned him. It was a fitting show of disrespect for this man who had earned no respect from us during these past 8 years.

I think Ken would have approved.