One year ago I made the first entry here. I didn't know what I would say, but I knew I had plenty on my mind. I've heard from enough people who make me feel that I am making a difference; maybe what I say does matter.
I've had visitors from .mil and .gov addresses. I hope they are taking notes. (The war is wrong and you know it!) I've had visitors from all over the world. I have regular visitors and accidental visitors; anyone who stops by is welcome. Don't be shy- do leave a comment; I appreciate a bit of dialog.
I've learned a lot from some fellow bloggers, Chancelucky, Brainhell, pogblog, and the Nemesis of Evil to name a few. Thanks for standing by me- it means a lot.
I hope I have made you laugh a little and I hope we've shared some tears. I wouldn't wish my life as a Gold Star mom on anyone. That is why I speak out and share my thoughts.
There have been some victories and there've been days when I wondered what kind of people were running this joint we call America. There have been days of darkness and a few days where we found out that this country really does belong to "we, the people" and that maybe it will get back on the right track.
Always, this blog has been a place of late night solace for me; where I could say what I really feel once the door to the outside world is closed.
I think Ken would have liked knowing my thoughts. I don't know if I would have been inclined to keep a blog had my life not changed so much on 5.30.04. The thing that I cannot express well enough is just how much I miss Ken; every day, every hour, every minute. We got gypped, whether you knew him in life or you just got to know him here; we were all gypped! I hope you got to know a little bit more about my blonde kid.
So, what do you say? Shall we try for another year?
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
RUMSFAILED
It's been a good day in America.
2 years ago as I listened to George W Bush give his "victory" speech after the election, I sat at my desk and cried. I couldn't understand how so many people could trust the administration that had failed this country. For our group of Gold Star families, the run up to November 7, 2006 was days filled with sadness, depression, nervousness. What would our fellow citizens do when they showed up to vote? Who ARE these people?
For all of Bush's protests, the election on Tuesday was a referendum on the war in Iraq, corruption, morality and everything else that defines this administration and the Republican Congress. To be sure, many of the Democrats do not deserve a second look, but every elected official, regardless of affiliation, got the message loud and clear- it is time for a change in this country NOW! There is hope for better tomorrows and that makes today a very good day.
How can you top a Democratic sweep of both houses of Congress? I could barely supress the grins. I could have been happy with just that news- there was hope and validation for all we have been saying for so long. And just before 10 this morning, I received a quick email from a friend
"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknown's, the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones," Rumsfeld said on Feb. 12, 2002.
"Stuff happens," Rumsfeld said on April 11, 2003, when asked about rampant lawlessness in Baghdad after U.S. troops captured the capital. "It's untidy, and freedom's untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things."
"You go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time," Rumsfeld on Dec. 8, 2004 told a U.S. soldier in Kuwait who asked him why U.S. troops had to dig through local landfills for pieces of rusted scrap metal and glass to provide armor for their vehicles before driving into Iraq.
"His regime has large, unaccounted for stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, including VX, sarin, mustard gas, anthrax, botulism and possibly smallpox. And he has an active program to acquire and develop nuclear weapons," Rumsfeld said on Jan. 20, 2003. Before the Iraq war, Rumsfeld often warned of President Saddam Hussein's arsenal of weapons of mass destruction. None of these were found.
"We know where they are," Rumsfeld said on March 30, 2003 in the days after the Iraq invasion, when asked whether he found it curious U.S. forces had not yet found weapons of mass destruction. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."
"The Gulf War in the 1990s lasted five days on the ground. I can't tell you if the use of force in Iraq today would last five days, or five weeks or five months. But it certainly isn't going to last any longer than that", Rumsfeld said on Nov. 14, 2002, three months before the invasion.
"Now, you're thinking of Europe as Germany and France. I don't. I think that's old Europe, Rumsfeld said on Jan. 22, 2003.
"It is easier to get into something than to get out of it," Rumsfeld wrote in his published list of truisms known as "Rumsfeld's Rules."
And finally, back in December 2004, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld faced renewed criticism Sunday from lawmakers after he said he has not personally signed letters sent to family members of troops killed in action. That he did not take the time to personally sign these letters demonstrated how he felt about and valued these soldiers and their families. I have one of these letters.
It is long past time for Rumsfeld to go. He failed the troops and he failed this country. GOOD RIDDANCE!
2 years ago as I listened to George W Bush give his "victory" speech after the election, I sat at my desk and cried. I couldn't understand how so many people could trust the administration that had failed this country. For our group of Gold Star families, the run up to November 7, 2006 was days filled with sadness, depression, nervousness. What would our fellow citizens do when they showed up to vote? Who ARE these people?
For all of Bush's protests, the election on Tuesday was a referendum on the war in Iraq, corruption, morality and everything else that defines this administration and the Republican Congress. To be sure, many of the Democrats do not deserve a second look, but every elected official, regardless of affiliation, got the message loud and clear- it is time for a change in this country NOW! There is hope for better tomorrows and that makes today a very good day.
How can you top a Democratic sweep of both houses of Congress? I could barely supress the grins. I could have been happy with just that news- there was hope and validation for all we have been saying for so long. And just before 10 this morning, I received a quick email from a friend
AP: Rumsfeld stepping down
Thought that might make you smile.
Thought that might make you smile.
He did not, however, send a link. Of course it made me smile, but I need details! Was he just messing with me? Not this friend, but still. Within moments, my brother who works at a TV station in Cincinnati, called with news, literally hot off the wire. I'm feeling downright perky now. A call from another Gold Star Mom, a post on a Gold Star family message board, more phone calls, lots of emails. What's not to like? Rusmfeld is out and I don't care why.
Rumsfeld never supported the military; either the troops at ground level or the highest of the high at the Pentagon. His arrogance and patronizing was horrifying to hear and watch, as if the troops were little green army men to be moved around at his will with no regard to their value.
People will analyze and discuss the nominee to replace Rumsfeld in the days to come; but he's not looking good, this longtime friend of the Bush family, former CIA director, Robert Gates. Let's not say "anything is better than Rumsfeld", let's be smart about it as this new Congress should be. It's time to be smart for our military, their families and our country.
As we bid good bye to the Secretary of Defense, I will heed my brother's advise, to not pull a muscle while I am doing the Happy Dance. If anyone feels an ounce of sympathy for Donald Rumsfeld, Reuters reminds us of some of Rumsfeld's words of wisdom.
"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknown's, the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones," Rumsfeld said on Feb. 12, 2002.
"Stuff happens," Rumsfeld said on April 11, 2003, when asked about rampant lawlessness in Baghdad after U.S. troops captured the capital. "It's untidy, and freedom's untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things."
"You go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time," Rumsfeld on Dec. 8, 2004 told a U.S. soldier in Kuwait who asked him why U.S. troops had to dig through local landfills for pieces of rusted scrap metal and glass to provide armor for their vehicles before driving into Iraq.
"His regime has large, unaccounted for stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, including VX, sarin, mustard gas, anthrax, botulism and possibly smallpox. And he has an active program to acquire and develop nuclear weapons," Rumsfeld said on Jan. 20, 2003. Before the Iraq war, Rumsfeld often warned of President Saddam Hussein's arsenal of weapons of mass destruction. None of these were found.
"We know where they are," Rumsfeld said on March 30, 2003 in the days after the Iraq invasion, when asked whether he found it curious U.S. forces had not yet found weapons of mass destruction. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."
"The Gulf War in the 1990s lasted five days on the ground. I can't tell you if the use of force in Iraq today would last five days, or five weeks or five months. But it certainly isn't going to last any longer than that", Rumsfeld said on Nov. 14, 2002, three months before the invasion.
"Now, you're thinking of Europe as Germany and France. I don't. I think that's old Europe, Rumsfeld said on Jan. 22, 2003.
"It is easier to get into something than to get out of it," Rumsfeld wrote in his published list of truisms known as "Rumsfeld's Rules."
And finally, back in December 2004, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld faced renewed criticism Sunday from lawmakers after he said he has not personally signed letters sent to family members of troops killed in action. That he did not take the time to personally sign these letters demonstrated how he felt about and valued these soldiers and their families. I have one of these letters.
It is long past time for Rumsfeld to go. He failed the troops and he failed this country. GOOD RIDDANCE!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Guilty, Guilty, Guilty
Early in the morning of December 15, 2003, when my son, Lt Ken Ballard was stationed in Iraq, 
he sent me an instant message:
they just got saddam!
Ken told me that the way the soldiers heard the news of Saddam's capture was by the sound of celebratory shooting by the Iraqis. The men from 2-37 of the 1st Armored Division did the manly thing and lit up some cigars!
3 years later, the verdict is finally in on Saddam Hussein today and no one should be surprised. Of course he's guilty for the killing of 148 Shias in Tigris river city of Dujail in 1982; crimes against humanity including premeditated murder, torture and forced deportation. Saddam Hussein is one of the bad guys in this world, one of the worst.
There have been questions whether the end to this long and difficult trial will be a defining moment of the war (no) or whether it will just be another on the long list of horrors and milestones that define the war. The trial which started nearly a year ago, was defined by boycotts, delays, murders, hunger strikes, arrogance, more delays, outbursts and drama.
Earlier this year, back in July, Saddam requested that he be executed by gunfire rather than by hanging if he was found guilty and condemned to die. He said "shooting is the appropriate means of execution for a military man like himself".
Saddam's response to the verdict today? ``Long live the people, down with the traitors,'' Hussein, 69, shouted as the verdict was read out. ``God is great. You are the servants of the occupiers. Long live Iraq.''
George Bush's response? He said Hussein's conviction was a ``major achievement'' for the country's elected government and brought a measure of justice for Hussein's victims.``Saddam Hussein's trial is a milestone in the Iraqi people's efforts to replace the rule of a tyrant with the rule of the law,''
Just 2 days before the US midterm elections, some people have wondered whether the timing was curious. Well, yes, it it is and it is political and the Bush administration who backed the trial was full aware of the timing. If they try to deny it, this will be yet another lie that they have told us about the war.
Be very clear though, that this should not affect our elections here by one single vote. With 2831 US military casualties, nearly 45,000 non- mortal casualties, between 50,000 & 650,000 Iraq casualties (we don't know that number because as General Tommy Franks told us "we don't do body counts"), Saddam Hussein's conviction will be nothing more than a comma when the history of this war and occupation is told. This conviction does not mean that the Republicans are strong on terror any more than it means the Democrats want to cut and run.
Today is just another day in this horrible war. I'm pretty sure the Dujail families aren't having a party or celebrating this "major achievement". What's to celebrate? I'm pretty sure they just want their country back.
he sent me an instant message:they just got saddam!
Ken told me that the way the soldiers heard the news of Saddam's capture was by the sound of celebratory shooting by the Iraqis. The men from 2-37 of the 1st Armored Division did the manly thing and lit up some cigars!
3 years later, the verdict is finally in on Saddam Hussein today and no one should be surprised. Of course he's guilty for the killing of 148 Shias in Tigris river city of Dujail in 1982; crimes against humanity including premeditated murder, torture and forced deportation. Saddam Hussein is one of the bad guys in this world, one of the worst.There have been questions whether the end to this long and difficult trial will be a defining moment of the war (no) or whether it will just be another on the long list of horrors and milestones that define the war. The trial which started nearly a year ago, was defined by boycotts, delays, murders, hunger strikes, arrogance, more delays, outbursts and drama.
Earlier this year, back in July, Saddam requested that he be executed by gunfire rather than by hanging if he was found guilty and condemned to die. He said "shooting is the appropriate means of execution for a military man like himself".
Saddam's response to the verdict today? ``Long live the people, down with the traitors,'' Hussein, 69, shouted as the verdict was read out. ``God is great. You are the servants of the occupiers. Long live Iraq.''
George Bush's response? He said Hussein's conviction was a ``major achievement'' for the country's elected government and brought a measure of justice for Hussein's victims.``Saddam Hussein's trial is a milestone in the Iraqi people's efforts to replace the rule of a tyrant with the rule of the law,''
Just 2 days before the US midterm elections, some people have wondered whether the timing was curious. Well, yes, it it is and it is political and the Bush administration who backed the trial was full aware of the timing. If they try to deny it, this will be yet another lie that they have told us about the war.
Be very clear though, that this should not affect our elections here by one single vote. With 2831 US military casualties, nearly 45,000 non- mortal casualties, between 50,000 & 650,000 Iraq casualties (we don't know that number because as General Tommy Franks told us "we don't do body counts"), Saddam Hussein's conviction will be nothing more than a comma when the history of this war and occupation is told. This conviction does not mean that the Republicans are strong on terror any more than it means the Democrats want to cut and run.
Today is just another day in this horrible war. I'm pretty sure the Dujail families aren't having a party or celebrating this "major achievement". What's to celebrate? I'm pretty sure they just want their country back.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Incompetence
Richard Perle, The Prince of Darkness, and one of the architects of the war in Iraq is not my favorite person.He is one of the signatories of the 1998 PNAC (Project for a New American Century) letter to President Clinton regarding policies in Iraq.
Given the magnitude of the threat, the current policy, which depends for its success upon the steadfastness of our coalition partners and upon the cooperation of Saddam Hussein, is dangerously inadequate. The only acceptable strategy is one that eliminates the possibility that Iraq will be able to use or threaten to use weapons of mass destruction. In the near term, this means a willingness to undertake military action as diplomacy is clearly failing. In the long term, it means removing Saddam Hussein and his regime from power. That now needs to become the aim of American foreign policy.Don't let anyone tell you that the 2003 war/occupation in Iraq wasn't predetermined. Neoconservatives like Richard L. Armitage, William J. Bennett, John Bolton, William Kristol, Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz also signed the letter.
Richard Perle & I had a close encounter in DC back in May 2006, so I speak of his evil and dark aura on good authority. The man has no soul and he certainly has no compassion. But when someone comes around and admits they are wrong, I'll give them their due- but not much more.
In the November online issue of Vanity Fair, in an article titled Neo Culpa, David Rose interviews several of the war's neoconservative cheerleaders who have turned against the Bush administration using one word- incompetence. He spoke with Perle:
As he looks into my eyes, speaking slowly and with obvious deliberation, Perle is unrecognizable as the confident hawk who, as chairman of the Pentagon's Defense Policy Board Advisory Committee, had invited the exiled Iraqi dissident Ahmad Chalabi to its first meeting after 9/11. "The levels of brutality that we've seen are truly horrifying, and I have to say, I underestimated the depravity," Perle says now, adding that total defeat an American withdrawal that leaves Iraq as an anarchic "failed state is not yet inevitable but is becoming more likely. "And then," says Perle, "you'll get all the mayhem that the world is capable of creating."
According to Perle, who left the Defense Policy Board in 2004, this unfolding catastrophe has a central cause: devastating dysfunction within the administration of President George W. Bush. Perle says, "The decisions did not get made that should have been. They didn't get made in a timely fashion, and the differences were argued out endlessly. At the end of the day, you have to hold the president responsible. I don't think he realized the extent of the opposition within his own administration, and the disloyalty."
Perle goes so far as to say that, if he had his time over, he would not have advocated an invasion of Iraq: "I think if I had been delphic, and had seen where we are today, and people had said, 'Should we go into Iraq?,' I think now I probably would have said, 'No, let's consider other strategies for dealing with the thing that concerns us most, which is Saddam supplying weapons of mass destruction to terrorists.' I don't say that because I no longer believe that Saddam had the capability to produce weapons of mass destruction, or that he was not in contact with terrorists. I believe those two premises were both correct. Could we have managed that threat by means other than a direct military intervention? Well, maybe we could have."
I'm not big on "I told you so's", but I am perplexed at how these supposedly intelligent people with decades of experience could have been so wrong? I'm not going to go there, I hope they still have some influence in this administration to make the necessary changes to the failed policies in Iraq. That doesn't look likely either.
In David Rose's article he also quoted Michael Ledeen, American Enterprise Institute freedom scholar: "Ask yourself who the most powerful people in the White House are. They are women who are in love with the president: Laura [Bush], Condi, Harriet Miers, and Karen Hughes."
ewwwww I don't know whether to cry or throw up. But mostly it's too bad this political hindsight doesn't help the 2829 dead American soldiers and their families who really could have used some champions before the war got started.
(Photo Courtesy of Jim Choi- I didn't remember the hand gestures Perle used when he was speaking at me. Also look at the onlookers expressions. He was responding to my question of why my son, Lt Ken Ballard came home in a flag covered box because of his policies. Perle was not kind to this Gold Star Mom that day)
Friday, November 03, 2006
Question of the Day
Barack Obama asks a good question "Why is it the war on terrorism seems to be fought between September and November every even-numbered year?"
Thursday, November 02, 2006
The Man from Hope Came to our Town
A friend sent me an email on Monday letting me know that former President Bill Clinton was going to be in Stockton, CA campaigning for Congressional candidate, Jerry McNerney that evening. Jerry is running against incumbent Richard Pombo, another Dick, who is one of the most corrupt members of congress. He's bad for the environment and his entire platform and legislative history shows us every reason that this good old boy rancher should be sent back to his old job. When George Bush came to town a few weeks back to campaign for him, no one batted an eye wondering about that team; no one questioned their relationship, Pombo & Bush- they deserve each other, but we don't!I quickly did a bit of research and found that yes, indeedy, Bill Clinton, #42 President of the good old USA, the Man from Hope, AR was coming to town to bring us progressive types an idea, a feeling that there might be some hope for this country afterall.
I immediately called my friend Gold Star friend, Nadia, Patrick's mom, and told her to call the McNerney campaign office and tell them that we wanted to meet Bill; yes, actually talk to him. Nadia lives in McNerney's district and has done some campaigning for them, so everyone on the staff knows her well. In my naivete I believed that would be able to meet with Bill Clinton. While I have worked on several political campaigns and have plenty of media experience, I guess I really didn't know what I was thinking! Even after we had been at the event for an hour or so, I was still hopeful. But as the rain continued falling along with the temperatures, I decided that the best we could hope for was to be standing in the front row, and that was okay, especially since we were standing in the front row, not more than 10 feet from the speakers platform. We had a great vantage point for this event.
The BIG DEMOCRATIC machine rolled into Stockton Monday evening with 24 hours to prepare for this campaign stop. The warm up acts were Democratic candidates for Lt Governor, John Garamendi; Secretary of State, Deborah Bowen (she's my hero in her firm stand on electronic voting among other issues), Insurance commissioner, Cruz "I lost 70 pounds" Bustamante and a few state level Democratic officials. The headliners were Jerry McNerney & Bill himself. Jerry McNerney knew the spotlight was on him as he introduced the former president to this welcoming crowd.
Bill had started his morning in Memphis, TN, campaigning for Harold Ford, headed to Colorado to campaign for Ed Perlmutter, into San Francisco for a fundraiser that netted over $2 million dollars! They left San Francisco and took a quick jet ride to Stockton Jet Center for this event.
Before I get started and get accused of god knows what as I wax eloquent about Bill Clinton, let's just have some of that full disclosure. William Jefferson Clinton was not the perfect president; he made mistakes, and he admitted them. Mostly our lives were different back in those days late in the 20th century. Different and better. Hope not fear.
Bill's speech tonite was crisp and funny and intelligent and smart and hopeful and honest and compassionate and everything that George Bush is not and will never be. George Bush can not hope to be the man that Bill Clinton is and perhaps that is demonstrated in George's feelings of inadequacy.
He opened with "Thank you for waiting," Clinton said to the roaring crowd. "It may be raining tonight, but the sun will be shining on Tuesday." He covered a lot of territory as he spoke about the war; Clinton took special umbrage at how Bush derisively refers to Democrats as "the party of cut and run." "We're not the cut-and-run crowd, we're the stop-and-think crowd," he said. "We're only too happy to fight, but we want to stop and think first." and the environment, but mostly about the differences between the two parties; although he somehow managed to do that in a positive, not divisive way. He told stories and he told jokes. He was convincing that our country can get back on track to be the county; that we can do better. There was no mention of Kerry's unfortunate gaffe, no 3 word slogans tonite. There was hope and promise for change. In my mind there was nostalgia for a different, more positive time in this country.
As these campaign stops and schedules go, I am sure that Clinton was scheduled to speak for 10 or 15 minutes, but he had barely hit his stride by then and he ended up speaking for more than 40 minutes. Clinton did not disappoint this crowd estimated at 1000.
As Clinton entered the speaking area he shook hands with many in the crowd. At the end of his speech he jumped off the stage to come down to be with the people again; it is what feeds him. Because Nadia & I were front and center, I felt that we would at least get to shake his hand. He did shake our hands and when I told him that we were mothers whose sons were killed in Iraq, he just stopped and we became the most important people in his world for the next 5 minutes. He gave us a genuine hug and someone nearby told me afterwards that he noticed Clinton tearing up. He read Patrick's name on Nadia's button that she wears. I showed him Ken's photo. I told him that we were there to meet a president of our country who really cares about our kids. He told us he was sorry for our loss. His security people seemed to be impatient that he spent this much time with us, but Clinton's time with us showed us where his priorities were. This was a private conversation between 2 moms and a concerned, compassionate former president. (photo courtesy of Jim Choi)After he hugged us again and moved on to greet the rest of the crowd, people asked us if they could ask what we were talking about and did we know him personally. We explained why we came to the rally and they responded with empathy. Some people nearby had overheard the entire conversation and were also impressed that he had spent that much time with us.
I ask again, what did we do to deserve Bush and his gang in the White House? We can do better by voting for a change on Tuesday. We must do better!
Laura Bush is scheduled to campaign for Pombo later this week. My message to Laura- your husband is not welcome in California and neither are you. Just stay home.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Message from the Medical Front
More news from our modern day Florence Nightingale. I was having a lousy day at work today; lousy as in when people just don't do their jobs so I can do mine. My reality and this message from the front reset my definition of lousy. Nothing is "hard" about my days compared to one day in a Baghdad hospital.
This one was hard for me to read, so be warned.
So there goes another week. I have been sick now for the last few days, so I have been really bad about getting back to people. I'm sorry. It has been both busy on the floor and I have been too tired to do much of anything else, but get through the work night.
I had a pretty interesting week. We continue to be busy. Our turn around for patients is like no other that I have seen. We keep US soldiers for 12 hours or less before air evacuating them to the next level of care and back to the states. The Iraqi injured are kept a bit longer, but usually they are shipped out to "Medical City" within 24-72 hours. I'm not sure that the Iraqi injured will get the best of care in their medical facilities, but at least they are trying to take care of their own once they have been stabilized here.
Two nights ago we had a difficult night ahead of us. A Unit was hit really badly on a convoy and brought in many casualties through our EMT section. We received 4 of their soldiers. The ICU's were packed along with the wards. We had secondary plans to turn our stepdown unit and PACU into ICU's in order to cope with the influx of wounded. Luckily we didn't have to, but nonetheless it was a crazy night. I was actually working in the PACU that night, but came over to the unit to help out because we essentially turned over half our ICU with new patients in about 10 minutes or so. These guys came in intubated, bleeding, and unstable. We gave more units of blood than I could count and dumped it in as fast as we could. I ran up and down the stairs a bunch of times to go to the lab, the pharmacy. I was picking up medications and blood and requesting more with each pass. Our doc was running between all the patients and giving out orders left and right for each one. I was just helping whomever I could with whatever they needed.
We extubated 3 of the soldiers and they did pretty well once that happened. We then were told that they would all be flying out that night. One of them had to remain intubated because he was not stable enough to breathe on his own.
When we fly these soldiers out we have to complete air evac paperwork. It is a tedious job. Requests for transport get put in by the docs and then it is reviewed by our patient administration people. There is much coordination in the scheduling and transport of these flights and soldiers. As nurses we get the soldiers ready to go which includes copying their chart and any other paperwork that has been filled out for them. We pick up meds they may need, get a litter ready and all equipment essential for them to fly. For example, our intubated pt required a litter on a rickshaw with plenty of sheets/blankets for warmth, a portable, fully charged, and flight approved ventilator, propaq monitor for blood pressure, heart rate, and pulse ox monitoring, and an IV pump. Plus they need a nurse to fly with them too in case they should crash (physiologically) and need CPR/resuscitation or medications.
Basically what happens is you wrap your, hopefully as stable as you can get them, patient on a litter like a burrito/taco with the sheets and blankets trying to make the litter as comfy as possible with an eggcrate type mattress under them. Then you place all their needed equipment on them or on this device that holds it just above them. Keep in mind you don't have too much clearance because you have to fit them on the blackhawk helicopter and the litters are stacked. The helicopter fits 4 litter patients. You have to account for everything: fully charged, flight approved equipment, an oxygen tank that will get you to your destination, an ambu bag in case you have to breath for your pt and their vent stops working, any and all medications that you may need to give them in order to save/sustain their life until you reach your destination. It is a complete nerve racking event. We are trained to know this stuff and often it comes as second nature to you, but it is hard planning for the unknown. Many of the patients you fly with are not stable, but in a sense stable enough to fly out and get back to the states. Plus things can change at any moment. It is up to you to ensure they make it to the next stop in the series of stops they make on their way home. After all they survived the trauma of what happened to them at the point of injury, but trying to keep them surviving is the hard part. You strive to keep them alive so that they can thrive once they get back home.
Many of the patients you fly with are not stable, but in a sense stable enough to fly out and get back to the states. Plus things can change at any moment. It is up to you to ensure they make it to the next stop in the series of stops they make on their way home. After all they survived the trauma of what happened to them at the point of injury, but trying to keep them surviving is the hard part. You strive to keep them alive so that they can thrive once they get back home.
So to make a long story short I got to fly with 2 of our soldiers on the helicopter to Balad. Balad is one of their stops before reaching Germany and then the states. It is approximately a 20 minute flight from here in Baghdad. I was nervous and excited. I haven't gone on any flights where I actually had to take care of patients. It's dark and cramped and I had 2 lives in the palm of my hands. Things could go bad at any time. I put on all my gear on and loaded up my pockets with medications and stuff I may need. We loaded the guys on the bird and we were off. Six soldiers flew out that night.
You work by the light if a blue lens mini maglite flashlite. The glare of the monitors blinking at you as you check over your patients vital signs. "Ok, heart rate- good; Blood pressure- ok; pulse ox (oxygen saturation)- not so good." Your checking your pt to make sure the sensor is on them and that they are breathing ok. You use hand and arm signals and hope they understand you as you try to communicate what you want them to do. The litters are stacked so the first litter is at about chin level and the other about ankle level. I used my hands to check for breathing and pulses. I had the head set on so I could hear the pilots and medics communicating and it was my lifeline, so to speak, in case something went wrong in the back where I was. The flight to Balad seemed long, because you are hoping the whole time that nothing happens to your patients or the aircraft.
We arrived safely and off loaded the patients. They are taken to the EMT section in Balad where the Airforce has a hospital set up there. They are reassessed and I gave report to the accepting nurses and docs. I had to fill out some paperwork explaining what was done for them at our hospital and what kind of injuries they sustained. You have to do this quickly or the helicopter will leave you as they have many other flights and stuff to do. One of our nurses got left behind and stayed overnight in Balad and did not return until the next afternoon when he could catch a flight back during one of first flights out when we arrived here.
We grabbed all our equipment and headed back to the bird. Luckily they had to refuel and the pilots left their flight medics with us so we were guaranteed a ride home. We loaded up and headed back relieved that all 6 of our soldiers made it there. One step closer. The flight was a good experience. Certainly an adrenaline rush, but worth it. I hope to go out on more flights in the future if need be. I was lucky this time with my patients remaining stable while in flight; I hope that I will be next time.
This one was hard for me to read, so be warned.
So there goes another week. I have been sick now for the last few days, so I have been really bad about getting back to people. I'm sorry. It has been both busy on the floor and I have been too tired to do much of anything else, but get through the work night.
I had a pretty interesting week. We continue to be busy. Our turn around for patients is like no other that I have seen. We keep US soldiers for 12 hours or less before air evacuating them to the next level of care and back to the states. The Iraqi injured are kept a bit longer, but usually they are shipped out to "Medical City" within 24-72 hours. I'm not sure that the Iraqi injured will get the best of care in their medical facilities, but at least they are trying to take care of their own once they have been stabilized here.
Two nights ago we had a difficult night ahead of us. A Unit was hit really badly on a convoy and brought in many casualties through our EMT section. We received 4 of their soldiers. The ICU's were packed along with the wards. We had secondary plans to turn our stepdown unit and PACU into ICU's in order to cope with the influx of wounded. Luckily we didn't have to, but nonetheless it was a crazy night. I was actually working in the PACU that night, but came over to the unit to help out because we essentially turned over half our ICU with new patients in about 10 minutes or so. These guys came in intubated, bleeding, and unstable. We gave more units of blood than I could count and dumped it in as fast as we could. I ran up and down the stairs a bunch of times to go to the lab, the pharmacy. I was picking up medications and blood and requesting more with each pass. Our doc was running between all the patients and giving out orders left and right for each one. I was just helping whomever I could with whatever they needed.
We extubated 3 of the soldiers and they did pretty well once that happened. We then were told that they would all be flying out that night. One of them had to remain intubated because he was not stable enough to breathe on his own.
When we fly these soldiers out we have to complete air evac paperwork. It is a tedious job. Requests for transport get put in by the docs and then it is reviewed by our patient administration people. There is much coordination in the scheduling and transport of these flights and soldiers. As nurses we get the soldiers ready to go which includes copying their chart and any other paperwork that has been filled out for them. We pick up meds they may need, get a litter ready and all equipment essential for them to fly. For example, our intubated pt required a litter on a rickshaw with plenty of sheets/blankets for warmth, a portable, fully charged, and flight approved ventilator, propaq monitor for blood pressure, heart rate, and pulse ox monitoring, and an IV pump. Plus they need a nurse to fly with them too in case they should crash (physiologically) and need CPR/resuscitation or medications.
Basically what happens is you wrap your, hopefully as stable as you can get them, patient on a litter like a burrito/taco with the sheets and blankets trying to make the litter as comfy as possible with an eggcrate type mattress under them. Then you place all their needed equipment on them or on this device that holds it just above them. Keep in mind you don't have too much clearance because you have to fit them on the blackhawk helicopter and the litters are stacked. The helicopter fits 4 litter patients. You have to account for everything: fully charged, flight approved equipment, an oxygen tank that will get you to your destination, an ambu bag in case you have to breath for your pt and their vent stops working, any and all medications that you may need to give them in order to save/sustain their life until you reach your destination. It is a complete nerve racking event. We are trained to know this stuff and often it comes as second nature to you, but it is hard planning for the unknown. Many of the patients you fly with are not stable, but in a sense stable enough to fly out and get back to the states. Plus things can change at any moment. It is up to you to ensure they make it to the next stop in the series of stops they make on their way home. After all they survived the trauma of what happened to them at the point of injury, but trying to keep them surviving is the hard part. You strive to keep them alive so that they can thrive once they get back home.
Many of the patients you fly with are not stable, but in a sense stable enough to fly out and get back to the states. Plus things can change at any moment. It is up to you to ensure they make it to the next stop in the series of stops they make on their way home. After all they survived the trauma of what happened to them at the point of injury, but trying to keep them surviving is the hard part. You strive to keep them alive so that they can thrive once they get back home.
So to make a long story short I got to fly with 2 of our soldiers on the helicopter to Balad. Balad is one of their stops before reaching Germany and then the states. It is approximately a 20 minute flight from here in Baghdad. I was nervous and excited. I haven't gone on any flights where I actually had to take care of patients. It's dark and cramped and I had 2 lives in the palm of my hands. Things could go bad at any time. I put on all my gear on and loaded up my pockets with medications and stuff I may need. We loaded the guys on the bird and we were off. Six soldiers flew out that night.
You work by the light if a blue lens mini maglite flashlite. The glare of the monitors blinking at you as you check over your patients vital signs. "Ok, heart rate- good; Blood pressure- ok; pulse ox (oxygen saturation)- not so good." Your checking your pt to make sure the sensor is on them and that they are breathing ok. You use hand and arm signals and hope they understand you as you try to communicate what you want them to do. The litters are stacked so the first litter is at about chin level and the other about ankle level. I used my hands to check for breathing and pulses. I had the head set on so I could hear the pilots and medics communicating and it was my lifeline, so to speak, in case something went wrong in the back where I was. The flight to Balad seemed long, because you are hoping the whole time that nothing happens to your patients or the aircraft.
We arrived safely and off loaded the patients. They are taken to the EMT section in Balad where the Airforce has a hospital set up there. They are reassessed and I gave report to the accepting nurses and docs. I had to fill out some paperwork explaining what was done for them at our hospital and what kind of injuries they sustained. You have to do this quickly or the helicopter will leave you as they have many other flights and stuff to do. One of our nurses got left behind and stayed overnight in Balad and did not return until the next afternoon when he could catch a flight back during one of first flights out when we arrived here.
We grabbed all our equipment and headed back to the bird. Luckily they had to refuel and the pilots left their flight medics with us so we were guaranteed a ride home. We loaded up and headed back relieved that all 6 of our soldiers made it there. One step closer. The flight was a good experience. Certainly an adrenaline rush, but worth it. I hope to go out on more flights in the future if need be. I was lucky this time with my patients remaining stable while in flight; I hope that I will be next time.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Cost of Freedom Buried in the Ground
Back in 1982, Stephen Stills, of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, wrote a song called Daylight Again (lyrics below), a song about the cost of freedom and young dead soldiers.
Those words resonate to this day, and especially this day for me, as it was 2 years ago that my only child, Lt Ken Ballard
was buried at Arlington National Cemetery.
When you are deciding where your military family member will be buried, you have up to one year after the death to decide if they will be buried in a military cemetery. For me, waiting 5 months to bury Ken didn't seem strange, although some people thought so. As October drew near, I wondered why I had waited.
Most families want their loved ones buried nearby, whether at a private or a military cemetery. For me, even though I live in California, it was an easy decision. Ken loved being a soldier and I knew he belonged at Arlington National Cemetery. When he was killed in service to this country, he became a part of our national fabric. At Arlington, his gravesite would always be cared for. At Arlington, people would know of Ken's valor and of our families loss and sacrifice.
At Arlington, as all military cemeteries, there is a reverence about it. On national days of remembrance like Memorial Day and Veteran's Day, Ken and all of the people who served this country in the military are honored and remembered.
Ken was the 89th soldier from the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan to be buried at Arlington. When Ken was buried, there were 3 rows in Section 60 for these recent casualties. The last time I visited, there were 4 rows in front of Ken. At each visit, there are new rows, newly turned dirt. If you are ever in Arlington, do stop by and visit Ken and Section 60. You can find his gravesite at SECTION 60 SITE 8006. Stop at the visitors center; they'll help you find the way. I promise you cannot forget a visit to our national cemetery.
For me, October 22 is one of those milestone days that comes up every year, another day to remember how and why my life has changed so much since that awful day on May 30, 2004. As of today 2792 families have had their hearts ripped out since the beginning of the invasion of Iraq 3 1/2 years ago. I am not alone in my grief and while we share this grief, we each have to decide how to get through the rest of our lives living with this pain.
When I decided to speak out against the war, I didn't want another family to hear the words "I regret to inform you" from a uniformed officer standing on their doorstep. I couldn't bear the thought of another family being handed a flag that had just covered their loved one's casket. I did not want this president and his administration to think that my silence would give them permission to continue the wrong course that has been pursued since taking office, not in my name, anyway.
My message to the president is this- Your insistence in "staying the course" is not a sign of strength; it is a sign of ignorance. Your insistence on not listening to the professional military staff is killing our children. While the office of the presidency deserves respect; you as the president have not earned our respect; you do not deserve anyone's respect. You do not have my respect.
My message to Ken is this- Every single day I miss you more than the day before. Every day, I ask myself "now what?" Now, what do I do with my life without you here with me? Every day is a struggle; every day is a reminder of my new normal. What I wouldn't give for just one more of those "take-my-breath-away" bear hugs of yours, just one. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you especially on this day. I love you, buddy!
All the brave soldiers that cannot get older ....
.....do we find the cost of freedom buried in the ground?
Those words resonate to this day, and especially this day for me, as it was 2 years ago that my only child, Lt Ken Ballard
was buried at Arlington National Cemetery.When you are deciding where your military family member will be buried, you have up to one year after the death to decide if they will be buried in a military cemetery. For me, waiting 5 months to bury Ken didn't seem strange, although some people thought so. As October drew near, I wondered why I had waited.
Most families want their loved ones buried nearby, whether at a private or a military cemetery. For me, even though I live in California, it was an easy decision. Ken loved being a soldier and I knew he belonged at Arlington National Cemetery. When he was killed in service to this country, he became a part of our national fabric. At Arlington, his gravesite would always be cared for. At Arlington, people would know of Ken's valor and of our families loss and sacrifice.
At Arlington, as all military cemeteries, there is a reverence about it. On national days of remembrance like Memorial Day and Veteran's Day, Ken and all of the people who served this country in the military are honored and remembered.
Ken was the 89th soldier from the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan to be buried at Arlington. When Ken was buried, there were 3 rows in Section 60 for these recent casualties. The last time I visited, there were 4 rows in front of Ken. At each visit, there are new rows, newly turned dirt. If you are ever in Arlington, do stop by and visit Ken and Section 60. You can find his gravesite at SECTION 60 SITE 8006. Stop at the visitors center; they'll help you find the way. I promise you cannot forget a visit to our national cemetery.
For me, October 22 is one of those milestone days that comes up every year, another day to remember how and why my life has changed so much since that awful day on May 30, 2004. As of today 2792 families have had their hearts ripped out since the beginning of the invasion of Iraq 3 1/2 years ago. I am not alone in my grief and while we share this grief, we each have to decide how to get through the rest of our lives living with this pain.
When I decided to speak out against the war, I didn't want another family to hear the words "I regret to inform you" from a uniformed officer standing on their doorstep. I couldn't bear the thought of another family being handed a flag that had just covered their loved one's casket. I did not want this president and his administration to think that my silence would give them permission to continue the wrong course that has been pursued since taking office, not in my name, anyway.
My message to the president is this- Your insistence in "staying the course" is not a sign of strength; it is a sign of ignorance. Your insistence on not listening to the professional military staff is killing our children. While the office of the presidency deserves respect; you as the president have not earned our respect; you do not deserve anyone's respect. You do not have my respect.
My message to Ken is this- Every single day I miss you more than the day before. Every day, I ask myself "now what?" Now, what do I do with my life without you here with me? Every day is a struggle; every day is a reminder of my new normal. What I wouldn't give for just one more of those "take-my-breath-away" bear hugs of yours, just one. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you especially on this day. I love you, buddy!
==========
DAYLIGHT AGAIN
Find the Cost of Freedom
(Words and music by Stephen Stills)
Daylight again
Following me to bed
I think about a hundred years ago
How my Fathers bled
I think I see a valley
Covered with bones in blue
All the brave soldiers that cannot get older
Been asking after you
Hear the past a' calling
When everyone's talking and no one
Is listening
How can we decide
Do we find the cost of freedom
Buried in the ground
Mother Earth will swallow you
Lay your body down.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
How low can they go?
In a previous post on this blog I wrote about Major General Caldwell's comments from Baghdad about the increasing violence which has resulted in 78 US deaths so far this month. He said it was disheartening. Who can disagree?
What didn't come out in the initial reports were his comments where he raised the possibility that insurgents have intentionally increased their attacks in recent weeks as a way of influencing political events in the United States.
Oh really? The insurgents are sitting around Tal Afar & Ramadi reading the New York Times telling each other that if they kill more Americans, maybe Lieberman will beat Lamont and Webb is defeated by Allen? Then what?
Yeah, right, sure- just like the release of the "overly friendly emails" from former Rep Mark Foley was a prank perpetuated by the Congressional pages; a prank gone too far.
When is this administration going to tell the truth? We aren't stupid- really! The truth will always come out and it will always win. Some truths take longer than others to stick, but it will always come out. Lucky for us, we are a patient lot. I think our patience wears out in about 2 weeks. How about we convene at the a voting booth nearby on November 7 and send that message loud and clear?
What didn't come out in the initial reports were his comments where he raised the possibility that insurgents have intentionally increased their attacks in recent weeks as a way of influencing political events in the United States.
“We also realize that there is a midterm election that’s taking place in the United States and that the extremist elements understand the power of the media; that if they can in fact produce additional casualties, that in fact is recognized and discussed in the press because everybody would like not to see anybody get killed in these operations, but that does occur,” he said.
Oh really? The insurgents are sitting around Tal Afar & Ramadi reading the New York Times telling each other that if they kill more Americans, maybe Lieberman will beat Lamont and Webb is defeated by Allen? Then what?
Yeah, right, sure- just like the release of the "overly friendly emails" from former Rep Mark Foley was a prank perpetuated by the Congressional pages; a prank gone too far.
When is this administration going to tell the truth? We aren't stupid- really! The truth will always come out and it will always win. Some truths take longer than others to stick, but it will always come out. Lucky for us, we are a patient lot. I think our patience wears out in about 2 weeks. How about we convene at the a voting booth nearby on November 7 and send that message loud and clear?
Somehow
I'm turning this space over to Kevin Tillman today. He hasn't said much in public since his brother was killed back in April 2004. This is posted by my friends at Truthdig and was worth waiting for. Thanks, Kevin.
After Pat’s Birthday
By Kevin Tillman
Editor’s note: Kevin Tillman joined the Army with his brother Pat in 2002, and they served together in Iraq and Afghanistan. Pat was killed in Afghanistan on April 22, 2004. Kevin, who was discharged in 2005, has written a powerful, must-read document.
It is Pat’s birthday on November 6, and elections are the day after. It gets me thinking about a conversation I had with Pat before we joined the military. He spoke about the risks with signing the papers. How once we committed, we were at the mercy of the American leadership and the American people. How we could be thrown in a direction not of our volition. How fighting as a soldier would leave us without a voice… until we get out.
Much has happened since we handed over our voice:
Somehow we were sent to invade a nation because it was a direct threat to the American people, or to the world, or harbored terrorists, or was involved in the September 11 attacks, or received weapons-grade uranium from Niger, or had mobile weapons labs, or WMD, or had a need to be liberated, or we needed to establish a democracy, or stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war we created that can’t be called a civil war even though it is. Something like that.
Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.
Somehow our elected leaders were subverting international law and humanity by setting up secret prisons around the world, secretly kidnapping people, secretly holding them indefinitely, secretly not charging them with anything, secretly torturing them. Somehow that overt policy of torture became the fault of a few “bad apples” in the military.
Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.
Somehow the more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes.
Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground.
Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started.
Somehow faking character, virtue and strength is tolerated.
Somehow profiting from tragedy and horror is tolerated.
Somehow the death of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people is tolerated.
Somehow subversion of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution is tolerated.
Somehow suspension of Habeas Corpus is supposed to keep this country safe.
Somehow torture is tolerated.
Somehow lying is tolerated.
Somehow reason is being discarded for faith, dogma, and nonsense.
Somehow American leadership managed to create a more dangerous world.
Somehow a narrative is more important than reality.
Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.
Somehow the most reasonable, trusted and respected country in the world has become one of the most irrational, belligerent, feared, and distrusted countries in the world.
Somehow being politically informed, diligent, and skeptical has been replaced by apathy through active ignorance.
Somehow the same incompetent, narcissistic, virtueless, vacuous, malicious criminals are still in charge of this country.
Somehow this is tolerated.
Somehow nobody is accountable for this.
In a democracy, the policy of the leaders is the policy of the people. So don’t be shocked when our grandkids bury much of this generation as traitors to the nation, to the world and to humanity. Most likely, they will come to know that “somehow” was nurtured by fear, insecurity and indifference, leaving the country vulnerable to unchecked, unchallenged parasites.
Luckily this country is still a democracy. People still have a voice. People still can take action. It can start after Pat’s birthday.
Brother and Friend of Pat Tillman,
Kevin Tillman
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/200601019_after_pats_birthday/
Posted on Oct 19, 2006 Kevin, who was discharged in 2005, has written a powerful, must-read document.
Photo Courtesy the Tillman Family
Pat Tillman (left) and his brother Kevin stand in front of a Chinook helicopter in Saudi Arabia before their tour of duty as Army Rangers in Iraq in 2003.
hugs to Kevin & Mary
Friday, October 20, 2006
Disheartening
I'm in the middle of employee evaluations at work, so when I heard Maj General William Caldwell call the recent rise in violence in Iraq "disheartening" and "In Baghdad, Operation Together Forward has made a difference in the focus areas but has not met our overall expectations in sustaining a reduction in the level of violence, well it got me wondering.
Has not met our expectations? How about it is awful over there? It really sucks and these insurgents are pretty wily. But the overall expectations have not been met. Let's just throw some more soldiers, marines and sailors at the problem; we'll lose a few, but what the heck? OUR expectations haven't been met..... indeed!
Has not met our expectations is a bit of an understatement and it gets me thinking that there has been an awful lot of media attention to the occupation of Iraq lately, more specifically the death toll. 2787 US casualties, 76 in October; that's 3.8 dead American soldiers a day. Take a look around you. Are there even 76 people in your office? Gone, dead, never coming home. How does that feel?
It seems like there is a number that gets to the press and to the people of this country who don't ordinarily have to think about this war. That means there is an acceptable number; like maybe 50 dead Americans is okay in a month. That doesn't seem so bad, it's war afterall, 50 is acceptable, but when it gets to 70, well, maybe that's not a good number. Zero is the only number acceptable to me. 76 families this month will never be the same. That empty seat at the table on Thanksgiving and Christmas, birthdays and just on a regular meatloaf Wednesday night, THAT is the hole in the heart for all of us Gold Star Families.
Cheney says today he's not looking for a way out of Iraq "I know what the president thinks. I know what I think. And we're not looking for an exit strategy. We're looking for victory," Victory? It's past time for those 2 in the White House to start thinking there must be a better course in Iraq because this one isn't it.
And there are tensions between the the United States and the nearly 5-month-old government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.
If we cannot detain members of the Mahdi army, the biggest thugs and punks around, why are we still in Iraq?
Has not met our expectations? How about it is awful over there? It really sucks and these insurgents are pretty wily. But the overall expectations have not been met. Let's just throw some more soldiers, marines and sailors at the problem; we'll lose a few, but what the heck? OUR expectations haven't been met..... indeed!
Has not met our expectations is a bit of an understatement and it gets me thinking that there has been an awful lot of media attention to the occupation of Iraq lately, more specifically the death toll. 2787 US casualties, 76 in October; that's 3.8 dead American soldiers a day. Take a look around you. Are there even 76 people in your office? Gone, dead, never coming home. How does that feel?
It seems like there is a number that gets to the press and to the people of this country who don't ordinarily have to think about this war. That means there is an acceptable number; like maybe 50 dead Americans is okay in a month. That doesn't seem so bad, it's war afterall, 50 is acceptable, but when it gets to 70, well, maybe that's not a good number. Zero is the only number acceptable to me. 76 families this month will never be the same. That empty seat at the table on Thanksgiving and Christmas, birthdays and just on a regular meatloaf Wednesday night, THAT is the hole in the heart for all of us Gold Star Families.
Cheney says today he's not looking for a way out of Iraq "I know what the president thinks. I know what I think. And we're not looking for an exit strategy. We're looking for victory," Victory? It's past time for those 2 in the White House to start thinking there must be a better course in Iraq because this one isn't it.
And there are tensions between the the United States and the nearly 5-month-old government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.
Frustration over al-Maliki's failure to crack down on sectarian groups could be exacerbated by revelations that the prime minister ordered U.S. troops to release Mazin al-Sa'edi, a top organizer in western Baghdad for radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr. Caldwell said al-Sa'edi was freed after being detained Wednesday with five aides for suspected involvement in Shiite violence. Al-Sadr's al-Mahdi Army has been blamed for sporadic attacks and for inspiring groups kidnapping and killing Sunnis.
If we cannot detain members of the Mahdi army, the biggest thugs and punks around, why are we still in Iraq?
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Message from a Baghdad hospital
I got another email from our modern day Florence Nightingale direct from Baghdad:
Tonight as I write you this email, I am listening to booms from either mortar fire or now after looking at the news an ammo depot that caught fire. It is a bit humbling to hear munitions so close to the hospital. I'm in the International Zone ( AKA the green zone ), but we are no more safe in here behind the walls than outside. Although at least I am not out looking for insurgents or conducting sweeps of the local towns as the other soldiers are doing. I am in the hospital taking care of patients.
Tonight as I write you this email, I am listening to booms from either mortar fire or now after looking at the news an ammo depot that caught fire. It is a bit humbling to hear munitions so close to the hospital. I'm in the International Zone ( AKA the green zone ), but we are no more safe in here behind the walls than outside. Although at least I am not out looking for insurgents or conducting sweeps of the local towns as the other soldiers are doing. I am in the hospital taking care of patients.
Tonight I am working in the SDU (step down unit). It is a little different from the ICU. The patients here are usually not intubated, or on ventilators. Their medical/surgical issue does not require one on one attention from a nurse or require certain medications to keep them alive. Basically they are doing fairly well on their own they just need frequent monitoring of their vital signs and of their issue to prevent further deterioration in their condition. Usually they stay for a short period of time before they are transferred to a ward. Tonight I have 4 patients. Not bad. :)
This last week was a rough week for me. It is hard to say a rough week without laughing at myself, because I have really only been here for 3 weeks thus far. Plus, the people who have been deployed before keep telling me that things really haven't gotten too crazy yet. I'm afraid of this!
The ICU is my new challenge as I think that I have expressed before. We take care of Iraqi nationals, Iraqi Army, Coalition forces, and US soldiers. Mostly we take care of the Iraqi people which includes suspected insurgents and prisoners. It is a real challenge to care for someone who may have killed, attempted to kill, or injured a fellow brother or sister in the military. It is a topic of discussion amongst my fellow nurses and poses many issues for us. It is my biggest ethical dilemma I have faced in the last 9 years of nursing. I do my best to take care of any patient that comes my way and I work just as hard to keep them alive regardless of who the are.
I took care of a Marine last week which became a difficult challenge for me. Not only was he very injured with an amputation being only one of his injuries, he was, what we call unstable. He had a hard time maintaining his blood pressure , which of course can lead to many other issues. I worked so hard that night from the moment he rolled up on my floor to the next night when I put him on the chopper to send him on his way back to the states. I just hope that all my efforts were enough. He has a difficult and long road ahead of him. After working at Walter Reed for the last 2 years I have seen the new challenges this soldier will face. A soldiers resilience to adapt and overcome the obstacles placed before him is one of the most amazing gifts I have been a witness to.
I get attached to my patients. It is so hard for me not to. As an Army nurse you share a common thread with those soldiers that you care for. They are your brothers and sisters in arms. They fight for freedom and i fight for their life. My battle buddy coined that phrase the other day and I almost broke into tears. It sums up how I feel, how I work, and why I am here.
I also learned about Angel flights this week. Angel fights are the flights where the American soldiers who have died are flown home to their families. I have not been a witness to the actual loading of these great American heroes because it hits a little too close to home for me. I'm not sure that I can quite handle that at this point. I was told about what happens though. The Army song or the Star Spangled banner is played while each soldier is removed from our morgue and hand carried and placed on the helicopter. A salute is rendered to the soldiers on that bird by the hospital staff standing at attention on the helipad. It is a solemn moment. The soldiers from what I understand are flown from us another base and a memorial ceremony is conducted there and then they make their final journey home. Maybe I will find the courage to witness this flight, but for now I will honor those fallen.
I have seen alot this week. I have been exposed to amputation, multiple fractured body parts, gun shot wounds, and a variety of other trauma that I couldn't comprehend until I got here. I am giving medications I have never given before and transfusing blood at a pace unsurpassed in my nursing career. I am working with monitors and equipment I haven't used before. I am using supplies that may not get replaced as quickly as I wish they would. I am making the best of what I have.
On a lighter note, I just want to say thank you for all of you that have been sending me packages. I appreciate them so much. My roomies do to. I love getting mail and you have made going to the mail room exciting for me. Thank you so very much.
Oh and I decided that I would save my little updates and use them in my scrapbook when I get home, so... if any one happened to save my very first email I would appreciate if you could forward me it so that i can print it off and save it.
I guess I will end this here. Let me know if you have any questions or want to know about certain things that I am doing or whatever so I can include them in my next email. I hope all is well with you! Missing everyone.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Iraq Victory Celebration
20 million dollars has been set aside for a party in our nation's capitol. We've seen grand parties in DC, but this one is special. A Pentagon spokesperson said this party was envisioned as an opportunity for “honoring returning U.S. forces at the conclusion” of operations in Afghanistan and Iraq. A party “for commemoration of success” in Iraq and Afghanistan
Of course our US forces should be honored, but George Bush tells us this is going to be a long war. "Our own generation is in a long war against a determined enemy." he said in his 2006 State of the Union speech. A LONG war. A conclusion to this war is far off.
Congress refuses to fund the war properly with regards to training, equipment, staffing levels but they want a party; maybe not this year, but they want a party and they are making sure that they will have one. For $20 million dollars, it will be one heckuva party. Guaranteed!
Conditions in Iraq are nearly out of control with Afghanistan not much better. Last week (Iraq) also saw the highest number of vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices this year," said" Major General William Caldwell, using the military terminology for car bombs. "The number of improvised explosive devices was also at an all time high," he added, referring to home-made bombs used by Iraqi insurgents and militias to target road traffic. A week earlier, Caldwell said the number of suicide attacks in Iraq was at its highest point since the 2003 invasion, citing the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan as a traditional peak for violence in Iraq. And Congress wants a party. Amazing, just amazing.
These people are all drinking double shots of this administration's purple koolaid if they think this celebration will be warranted in the coming year or the next. Until there is a change in this disastrous course, this money should be earmarked for, oh, I don't know, maybe taking care of the veterans and their families as they return? $20 million dollars would go a long way towards healing these veterans and their families. But instead they cut the budget for the vets and they set aside $20 MILLION for a party?
Don't mind the noise; it's just me howling in pain.
Of course our US forces should be honored, but George Bush tells us this is going to be a long war. "Our own generation is in a long war against a determined enemy." he said in his 2006 State of the Union speech. A LONG war. A conclusion to this war is far off.
Congress refuses to fund the war properly with regards to training, equipment, staffing levels but they want a party; maybe not this year, but they want a party and they are making sure that they will have one. For $20 million dollars, it will be one heckuva party. Guaranteed!
Conditions in Iraq are nearly out of control with Afghanistan not much better. Last week (Iraq) also saw the highest number of vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices this year," said" Major General William Caldwell, using the military terminology for car bombs. "The number of improvised explosive devices was also at an all time high," he added, referring to home-made bombs used by Iraqi insurgents and militias to target road traffic. A week earlier, Caldwell said the number of suicide attacks in Iraq was at its highest point since the 2003 invasion, citing the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan as a traditional peak for violence in Iraq. And Congress wants a party. Amazing, just amazing.
These people are all drinking double shots of this administration's purple koolaid if they think this celebration will be warranted in the coming year or the next. Until there is a change in this disastrous course, this money should be earmarked for, oh, I don't know, maybe taking care of the veterans and their families as they return? $20 million dollars would go a long way towards healing these veterans and their families. But instead they cut the budget for the vets and they set aside $20 MILLION for a party?
Don't mind the noise; it's just me howling in pain.
THE YOUNG DEAD SOLDIERS
THE YOUNG DEAD SOLDIERS
by Archibald Mcleish
The Young dead soldiers do not speak. Nevertheless, they are heard in the still houses: who has not heard them?
The Young dead soldiers do not speak. Nevertheless, they are heard in the still houses: who has not heard them?
They have a silence that speaks for them at night and when the clock counts.
They say: We were young. We have died. Remember us.
They say: We have done what we could but until it is finished it is not done.
They say: We have given our lives but until it is finished no one can know what our lives gave.
They say: Our deaths are not ours; they are yours; they will mean what you make them.
They say: Whether our lives and our deaths were for peace and a new hope or for nothing we cannot say; it is you who must say this.
They say: We leave you our deaths. Give them their meaning.
We were young, they say. We have died. Remember us.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Who is Thinking About the War?
The man who is filming a documentary about my life as a Gold Star Mom told me tonight that it is very important story that will hopefully change how people think about this awful war.
My reply? Some days I just wish people would think about the damned war!
Sad to say, Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, confirmed on Friday that Republican senators and the president don't. He (Bush) doesn't and the real people out in the real world don't for the most part."
Some days we Gold Star families who are standing up and speaking out feel hopeless. Most days I think this occupation and George Bush's Global War on Terror will last for the rest of my life, but I won't stand by and let it happen without some noise from me. Anyone who listens to me will make no mistake where I stand.
I already gave this country the best of me. What about the rest of this country? What are you doing to stop the war? To stop the madness? Major General R Batiste (Ret) told members of Congress last week that one percent of the population (is) shouldering the burdens (in this war). That one percent are the military families.
I know that members of the Bush administration don't care, but what about the rest of you? How often do you think about the war? Those of you who are reading this have to. I won't NOT let you; it's my job.
Honestly, if George's war was so important to the national interest of the country, wouldn't everyone be willing to sacrifice? Iraq isn't that important. George says it's so, but it's not. REALLY.
My reply? Some days I just wish people would think about the damned war!
Sad to say, Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, confirmed on Friday that Republican senators and the president don't. He (Bush) doesn't and the real people out in the real world don't for the most part."
President Bush barely mentioned the war in Iraq when he met with Republican senators behind closed doors in the Capitol Thursday morning and was not asked about the course of the war,.Real people in the real world? Mr Lott, let me invite you to spend a day in my real world. Imagine a day without your only child because some incompetent, callous, heartless, ineffectual so called legislators continue to support a war that should never have happened in the first place. Everyone of them should be ashamed of themselves when they look in the mirror each morning.
"No, none of that," Lott told reporters after the session when asked if the Iraq war was discussed. "You're the only ones who obsess on that.
Some days we Gold Star families who are standing up and speaking out feel hopeless. Most days I think this occupation and George Bush's Global War on Terror will last for the rest of my life, but I won't stand by and let it happen without some noise from me. Anyone who listens to me will make no mistake where I stand.
I already gave this country the best of me. What about the rest of this country? What are you doing to stop the war? To stop the madness? Major General R Batiste (Ret) told members of Congress last week that one percent of the population (is) shouldering the burdens (in this war). That one percent are the military families.
I know that members of the Bush administration don't care, but what about the rest of you? How often do you think about the war? Those of you who are reading this have to. I won't NOT let you; it's my job.
Honestly, if George's war was so important to the national interest of the country, wouldn't everyone be willing to sacrifice? Iraq isn't that important. George says it's so, but it's not. REALLY.
From the Front Lines
My young friend, an Army nurse, we'll call her Florence Nightingale, just wrote from Baghdad. I thought you should hear from her what life is like in the Green Zone at a military hospital.
ONE
TWO
Meanwhile, this Gold Star Mom is sending good thoughts for all of our military serving our country, and especially those in harm's way.
ONE
The hospital is a fixed facility and was here prior to the war. We just took it over. It is quite different working in these conditions vs the states. I still haven't gotten in to the "conserve all supplies" mode of thinking yet, but I'm sure I will once I run out of needed supplies with no way of re-stocking or obtaining more for a while. I really am learning a lot here thus far. I took care of a patient the other day with 7 different iv medications/fluids running, a trach and ventilator, 4-5 drains, a big belly open wound with every 2 hr dressing changes and a whole lot more. Whew! They kinda throw you into the water and watch and see if you will sink or swim and the occasional life raft offer when you need it.
I'm working night and 12 hour shifts. It's hard right now to settle into a schedule as we have only been here for about 4 days or so. We have also had tons of stuff to do. For those of you non-military types, I get to wear body armor to and from the hospital everyday and if I want to go anywhere inside of our compound (it's surrounded by large concrete walls with checkpoints and guards. I carry my M16 with me everywhere along with a loaded( filled with bullets) magazine.
My living conditions are a little bit... well I'm not in a tent so I guess I can't complain. I live in a suite with 6 other girls. It's surrounded by tall concrete walls and concertina wire. It does need a lot of work though. We need stuff to make it more like home.
The weather here, of course, is warm, but not too bad. They say it gets cold here but the weather hasn't changed yet. Overall I'm well and things are going well. I'm working hard and looking forward to the experience. We haven't been too busy yet, but I'm sure our time will come.
TWO
So far all of us are getting along well. It's still early. I'm sure there will be some drama later as we get stressed out. So far we have been slow up in the ICU where I work. We have ICU's ICW's (intermediate care wards), plus our ER, OR, and misc other services. We are located in the Green Zone or International Zone. They say it's not really that much safer here than outside the walls. Actually one of our people got hit by a stray bullet today waiting outside the ER. Very scary. Also last night they had an alert and evacuated some of the living quarter areas for a suspicious package.
I wear body armor and a helmet everyday along with my M16 and a loaded magazine in my pocket. It is surreal being here, but I have friends that all look out for each other. I think it is going to be a good experience. I'm learning alot and trying to roll with the punches.
Meanwhile, this Gold Star Mom is sending good thoughts for all of our military serving our country, and especially those in harm's way.
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