Welcome Home

Today was the day we planned for Ken's Welcome Home party back in 2004. We had planned a gala celebration at the airport. My older sister, the retired LTC, had teased Ken that she & I would wear sparkly tube tops as part of our ensemble to the airport. (full disclosure, I should never wear a tube top, sparkly or otherwise anywhere).

Ken threatened to change his flight plans and not let us know which airport where he would arrive to avoid any kind of extra attention. He knew should have known better. He knew his mother and his favorite aunts would find a way to hunt him down, he knew he was no match for our feminine wiles. There would be flags and banners and probably music. My family is far and above most when it comes to airport welcomes and this would be the mother of all welcomes. These lively discussions were part of the decompression that was necessary for all of us to put this year in Iraq behind us.

Ken & I talked about him flying home 1st Class. He said he earned it and I couldn't agree with him more. That decision would wait, we still had 6 more weeks until the unit returned to Germany.

As you know by now, it turned out to be a different kind of welcome home and much sooner than we expected.

Instead of Ken's famous breathtaking hug, I was given a flag covered casket and his dog tags. I wear the dog tags near my heart; that's where Ken is now and forever.

The Army classified Ken as "non-viewable" due to his mortal injuries. It was just as well, I didn't want to see his dead body anyway. I didn't want that to be the lasting memory of him. I told the funeral director, "If you can't make him look like Ken, then I don't want to see him anyway". He told me that task was much more difficult with younger people, but that discussion took place before Ken 's body arrived home, so I don't know how bad it really was. I didn't question the judgment of the Army and based on reading the autopsy several months ago, I know it was the right decision for me.

I do wish that I had gotten a lock of his hair from the funeral home, although from what I could tell in his most recent photos from Iraq, his haircut was high and tight. The best I could have gotten was crumbs of hair, not a lock, but I can still wish for that.

May 22. Yes, this was the day that Ken would have been welcomed home by his family and friends and those people who dutifully sent CARE packages to Ken and his guys. They were my strength and my spirit when Ken was gone those 384 days. I could not have made it through the year without them. In a way, he became everyone's son.

I feel like I am in a tsunami, going down for the third time. When will it stop hurting so much? There's nothing to like about this day or this month.....


p.s. Happy Birthday to Jonathan , Evan and Casey- ALL Gold Star sons

Baghdad ER

The Army surgeon general is warning that the HBO documentary "Baghdad ER" is so graphic that military personnel watching it could experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD? Got it already and I don't need to know what the symptoms are, I know them upside, downside, inside and out. As the mother of a soldier killed in Iraq, it did not trigger any of that for me; I experience those symptoms every day. To see this compelling film only validated what I know or at least what I think I know about the excellent and professional care and concern given to our young military men and women when they are wounded or killed.

This documentary is introduced as a tribute to the "heroism and staff of 86th Combat Support Hospital". The Surgeon General's office also said "This film will have a strong impact on viewers and may cause anxiety for some soldiers and family members." uh, yeah.... but not like I thought. The amputation they showed was war. The blood and the wounds were war. The gallows humor in the operating room is war. The tears were real and so was the grief.

What got to me was the personal stuff. One of the patient/soldiers has the same green eyes that Ken had. It broke my heart when an injured soldier called his mom and you could hear her voice change when her world back home collided with a hospital halfway around the world. A mom never really knows what is behind the words in a phone call from the war front, so even though this soldier said he was okay, I know his mom didn't believe him.

What also touched me was the comaraderie between the staff. They will see things in that ER that we or their peers at home will never see. They will see things that will never be spoken of outside of the boundaries of Iraq, but this hospital staff will bear these scars until they breathe their last breath.

I couldn't help but wonder how different my journey would have been had Ken been wounded instead of killed. What if, what if? What if he wasn't killed instantly and heroic measures were made to keep him alive? I don't take that litle trip. It is what it is, this new normal of mine.

As the ER chaplain stood over each of his patients who died, he prayed that the "life and death of this soldier would hasten the cause of peace and end this senseless war". How could a military chaplain feel any other way?

Baghdad ER should be mandatory viewing for every person in this country. They should know that war is brutal and graphic and ugly and raw. This is not Hollywood but it is reality for over 20,000 soldiers who have been killed and wounded and their families.

May sucks

I am not an angry person. It has not been a common emotion for me, although I've passed by it and through it in the last 2 years. Recently my state of mind has been sadness, the deepest of grief, and an anguish I never knew before May 2004.

I said I was angry on Mother’s Day and this anger is not going away. It's parked in my heart, the engine is revving. It’s different, too, this time; it is a raging anger towards the administration, people who don’t care or even think about this effing war and the fact that my only child came home in a flag covered box and finally anyone who is dumb enough to cross me. And I just miss Ken so much. What do you do with this kind of rage?

The day I was told that Ken was killed I vowed I would fight for everything that he had earned, every honor and every dignity. I have had no fear when it came to fighting for what was right for Ken and other military families. I have told anyone who I have dealt with, their rank or title did not impress me; I only wanted the truth. It was the right thing to do. Through all of that, my anger was contained and controlled.

There's a dirty secret that no one talks about that most Gold Star moms are at an age approaching or well into the “change of life”. Hormones are misbehaving, depression comes and goes, moods are swinging and thinking might be fuzzy. We don’t know if what we are feeling is hormones or grief. If we could control one or the other, maybe we could *know* what we are feeling instead of feeling everything at once. It’s just so damned unfair.

I am also feeling fragile these days. Fragility plus anger doesn’t compute; they seem diametrically opposed. I AM NOT A FRAGILE PERSON! One second, I feel as if I will dissolve in the ocean of tears that just won’t stop, and the next second, I could push the same ocean back.

May has been a milestone month in Ken’s and my life. Back in 1978, when Ken was 10 months old, I left my marriage behind in New York on Memorial Day as we headed back to California. Fast forward to May 2002, Ken graduated from college and was commissioned as a 2nd Lt in the Army. In May 2003, he left for Iraq and in May 2004, Ken was the 100th soldier from California to be killed in this hideous war.

May sucks.

Evil Eyes

My journeys to Washington DC have resulted in meetings with many great & powerful people. I have also met some people who are powerful and who will never be great. I believe that there are some people in DC who wake up in the morning, look at themselves in the mirror and smile as they tell themselves "I am the meanest son of a bitch in this town/country and I LIKE it that way" . They have no soul and they have no heart. I don't know what drives people like that. Perhaps it is greed or the quest for power. I have no desire to meet the president, the vice-president, the secretary of defense, or the secretary of state; they may be powerful, but they will never be great.

Until May 13, 2006 I never met someone who met that description.

I cannot explain why Richard Perle was at the Eyes Wide Open exhibit in Washington DC last weekend. There were 2437 empty pair of combat boots, representing the empty American lives left behind in this war, the human cost of war. I thought it strange that he would be there standing on the edge of the exhibit, almost as if overseeing the damage he did as the architect of this war.

A few of us Gold Star Moms saw him hovering, as if a vulture over his prey. The reasons to confront him were not complicated. We approached the area and when people realized who we were, they let us in. First Celeste, Sherwood's mom asked him why. When my turn came, I introduced myself and told him to look into my eyes and tell me why my only child came home in a flag covered box? He couldn't answer, of course. He gave some kind of lame patronizing, response about democracy in Iraq in many years. I asked him if it was worth it and he couldn't give a good response to that either. I pointed to the photo of Ken on my shirt and said, look at this face, tell me why! He wouldn't look.

I walked away from the confrontation into the arms of some of the other Gold Star families and cried. "They don't care, they just don't care" If I thought for one minute that they cared about the damage they have done, the overwhelming sadness that they have caused to the families, I might think differently, but they just don't care.

I wonder if he had ever met someone who was so violated by his war? If he hasn't, then my pain of confronting him was worthwhile. He cannot say he hasn't been touched by this war.

I had a radio interview after the confrontation and told them the story. The interviewer asked me what it was like, meeting Richard Perle. I asked her, "Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone who has no soul? His eyes have no life in them; it was frightening.

These people have evil in their eyes and in their hearts. There is a special place in hell for all of them.

Mothers Day at Arlington National Cemetary

Mother's Day didn't start off well.

For a long time after Ken was killed in Iraq nearly 2 years ago, I would stand in the shower and cry until the water turned cold. I couldn't tell the difference between tears and the shower; I didn't want to know and I didn't care anyway. I still cannot imagine how one person can cry so many tears for hours and days and months. I had one of those showers Mother's Day morning. Even if I hadn't wanted to cry, it wasn't under my control.

Having spent the weekend in Washington DC with other military families, many of them, my fellow Gold Star Moms and Dads, it seemed fitting we spend Mothers Day morning at Arlington with our “boys”.

Many people ask me why Ken is buried at Arlington and it is complicated and simple at the same time;there are many reasons. One of the reasons is that Ken has many more visitors at Arlington than he would in California. I like knowing that people visit Ken. He loved being a soldier and when he died, his life became a part of the history of this country, and for a soldier, where else should you be buried?

Three moms from our group, Gold Star Families Speak Out have our boys buried at Arlington, Tia, Diane and me. Tia and Diane & Neil Sr live on the east coast so they are able to visit more often. I know when they visit David & Neil, Jr, they visit Ken, also . I like knowing that.

Diane had written a few passages and prayers, so we had sort of a prayer service this morning. Besides, Tia and Neil & Diane, there was Celeste, Al and Raphael, Sherwood's parents and brother; Sue & Greg, Seth's mom and stepdad; Summer, Steven's mom; Carlos & Melida, Alex's dad and step mom; Elaine, Darrius' mom; Derek & Lorene, Seamus's mom & dad. We were a mournful group joined by some of our Blue Star friends, Charlie & Nancy from Military Families Speak Out and some others. How brave they were to be in our world.

When I stand at Ken's grave at Arlington, I am fiercely angry to think that people accuse me of being unpatriotic because I do not support the president. I want those people to come and stand with me or any Gold Star parent for that matter. I want them to look out at rows and rows and rows of these white granite headstones. Ken was the 89th soldier killed in Iraq or Afghanistan when he was buried on October 22, 2004 in Section 60. Since then, nearly 150 soldiers more have been buried at Arlington.

I know the president goes to Arlington for official purposes; laying the wreath at the unknown. All of that looks good in the media, but it is so removed from the reality of this war. I wonder if this president has ever walked through Section 60. Has he read the names and wondered about the lives and promises lost? I don't think so and I don't think he cares anyway.

Happy Mother's Day

Four years ago today, Ken left for Iraq.

I am in Washington DC this Mothers Day weekend for Eyes Wide Open, the America Friends Service Committee exhibit of empty combat boots-, representing the human cost of war . On the National Mall between the Washington Monument and the Capitol building, lay 2436 empty boots representing the US military lives that have been lost i Iraq. So many many empty lives.

On Saturday, there will be a Silent March around the National Mall made up of families and people who have been affected by this war in Iraq.

I will be one of the speakers after the march. Had I unlimited time to speak, I would say this:

This Sunday we celebrate Mother’s Day as a day to give thanks to the women in our lives. The greeting cards show flowers and hearts; the breakfast is served in bed and dinner’s are away from home so there are no dishes to wash. It is a cozy and loving day to be spent with family.

While our country is entering the fourth year of the war in Iraq and hostilities continue in other parts of the world, and hundreds of thousands of mother’s are separated from their loved ones, it is fitting that we know one of the origins of the Mother’s Day in the United States. The first vision of Mother’s Day was not so sweet and innocent.

Julia Ward Howe was a well known abolitionist during the Civil War. After the war, her efforts turned to pacifism and other similar endeavors. In 1870 she was the first to proclaim Mother's Day, with her Mother's Day Proclamation. It was to be a day dedicated to peace. She pondered the question

"Why do not the mothers of mankind interfere in these matters to prevent the waste of that human life of which they alone bear and know the
cost?”

Arise then...women of this day! Arise, all women who have hearts! Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearnAll that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience. We, the women of one country, Will be too tender of those of another countryTo allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.

As a mother whose son, my only child, was killed in Iraq nearly two years ago, I wonder about the soul of this country as the death toll rises every day and yet there is silence from the mother’s of this nation. Are they silent because they fear if they acknowledge this terrible war, then it might come home to rest on their own doorstep? Why are there no heartbreaking pleas to stop the madness? Do we feel so helpless that we cannot stop the war machine that rumbles on destroying lives and families? Do we feel so hopeless that we are paralyzed and cannot speak out to demand truth and honesty from the leaders of this country? I wish I knew.

I raised a great man who was proud to serve his country. Ken cared about his friends and family and he was blessed to have plenty of both. We were lucky to have had him in our lives for 26 years. But it was only 26 years. Ken had spent 384 days in Iraq and he was killed during a fierce battle on May 30, 2004. To think that this Sunday will be the 2nd Mother’s Day that I won’t be hearing from him is heartbreaking. He won’t come bounding into my bedroom with the greatest greeting card that he always took such pride in picking out for me. This year, instead of going to the beach as we always did, I will be spending this special day with my son at his gravesite at Arlington National Cemetery. When the first stars twinkle in the sky that night, I will look to those stars and hope that he is happy where he is. I will ask those same stars, “Will I ever know happiness again?” I wish I knew.

2436 families have suffered the most grievous loss in this war. Reports say that the administration was DEAD WRONG in their reasons for going to war; meanwhile my son is just DEAD.

For mothers who are lucky enough to be surrounded by their children and for those of us who are lucky enough to have our mothers in our lives, give hugs and give thanks.

Rumsfeld Under Fire....again

This is serious business making sure all members of the administration know they are not welcome in our towns. We've got less than 1000 days now to remind them at every stop, we want our country back and we want them to stop lying.

Today in Atlanta at the Southern Center for International Studies, Ray McGovern, a 27 year CIA analyst took the lead at a meeting with Rumsfeld. Ray McGovern is well qualified to call Rumsfeld on his lies. Wikipedia has a nice biography of him. He was a federal employee under 7 presidents and is former CIA chief for the Middle East, and a former CIA operations officer, making him a veteran of the CIA’s clandestine service, which manages the agency’s counterterrorism center, espionage and paramilitary operations. He recently returned his Intelligence Commendation Award medallion to Congressman Pete Hoekstra, R-MI, and Chair of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. His credentials are pristine. On my journey, I have met Ray on a few occasions and found him to be thoughtful and very intelligent- and he's a nice man.

Here's what the BBC had to say about the meeting today

McGovern: "Why did you lie to get us into a war that was not necessary, that has cause these kinds of casualties?"
Rumsfeld: "Well, first of all, I haven't lied. I did not lie then."

and then

Secretary Rumsfeld responded that U.S. forces in Iraq during the war used chemical suits because they also believed Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, because of the intelligence reports and because he had used such weapons before. He also said allegations that officials lied to justify the war are 'untrue,' and that such charges are 'destructive' of the trust needed in a democracy.

What does anyone in this administration know about trust? There is plenty of empirical evidence to support the allegations that this country was lied to, to convince us that we needed to go to war and that this administration had exhausted all options and this invasion was the last choice. Whenever anyone from the adminstration says that now, they just sound like a broken record. So, now they are lying about their lying. It's unbelievable.

Thanks, Ray for taking Atlanta today. We'll take it when any one of them come to California; it's only right.

Who's Supporting the Troops Now?

I get damned sick and tired of being called unpatriotic and treasonous because I think the best way to support our troops is to bring them home, NOW. People ask what my definition of "now" is and I say midnight, okay, I'll live with 7 a.m., but that's what "now" means to me.

I started speaking out against this war before Ken was killed. I questioned the plan for the peace, which we now know there is none. And after Ken was killed, I kept questioning the validity of invading a sovreign country that was no threat to the United States. And I will keep questioning why this war continues, why 2412 American soldiers have been killed in this mess, why nearly 18,000 American soldiers have been wounded, some of them grievously. We don't know how many Iraqis have been killed and there are plenty of Americans who don't even care about that statistic. Most Americans cannot name one Iraqi who has been killed; they are not human to them, they are collateral damage.

I believe that our country needs a strong military; if someone was trying to come ashore in South Carolina, I'd be down there with my pitchfork, too. But this administration is misusing and abusing our military and using them for their own personal financial and power gain. Our country will never be the same and if we regain the goodwill that we had around the world after 9/11, that day is a very long way off. This administration squandered that goodwill and replaced it with FEAR. I'm not feeling that much safer in this post 9/11 world, but that's the way this administration spins it.

So, I get pretty fired up about all this patriotism that this adminstration speaks about again and again. Then I hear a story about Senate Amendment 3594, EMERGENCY SUPPLEMENTAL APPROPRIATIONS FOR BORDER SECURITY, sponsored by Senator Judd Gregg (R-NH).

Even the title sounds impressive, Emergency Supplemental Appropriations Act for Defense, the Global War on Terror, and Hurricane Recovery, 2006 , but there are alot of things wrong with it. In the 4th year of this war, why are we funding it with emergency supplemental appropriations? Back in early 2002 when Rumsfeld said

We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know.

He was right in a way, because the war hadn't begun at that point and there were many unknowns. But do the math, people, how many soldiers times how many meals, times how much ammunition, times how many death gratuity payments times how much for transportation. Add in a few other factors, like the cost to recover from this or that injury and you've got a pretty good estimate for how much this war should be costing. To still be funding this 4 year war with an emergency supplemental appropriation is insulting, deceptive and outrageous.

The Gregg Amendment calls for $2,000,000: Provided, that the entire amount is solely for a contract with an independent non-Federal entity to conduct a needs assessment for comprehensive border security: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these self proclaimed patriotic, troop supporting legislators are sheep in wolves clothing, aw heck, they are just wolves; they don't care about the soldiers and I wish they would stop pretending they do. They are not a War Congress; 14 billion dollars of pork in this supplemental budget proves that. The Gregg amendment would pay for the (border security) program by an across-the-board 3% cut in funds in the bill to pay for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, including cuts in military personnel, operations and maintenance, Iraqi security forces training, programs to combat Improvised Explosive Devices, the Defense Health Program and the Death Gratuity Fund. With a 59-39 vote, the Gregg Amendment was passed. It was mostly by party lines, so I'll let you decide who supports the troops and who doesn't. I'll name names here; you should know Feinstein, Feingold, McCain, Dole, Santorum do not support the troops.

Take a minute and call or write to your Senator, ask them "Who supports the troops?" We deserve the truth.

By the Numbers

I once had a bad boss that told me numbers can say what you want them to say. He used the numbers to his favor in very bad ways.

The numbers below tell only one story, very black and white and very sad. This so called War on Terror in Iraq is not going well and it's time to bring the troops home.

Thanks to the good people at Think Progress for posting this snapshot of


and here's another pretty picture from Halliburton Watch. These numbers speak for themselves. I can add nothing more. Read them and weep.


Questions?

Major Combat Operations Are Over

Today is the day back in 2003 that President Bush stood on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln with a banner announcing "Mission Accomplished!" Major combat operations are over! I'm sure they played the theme to Top Gun as he landed.

My son, Lt Ken Ballard, was still in Germany on that day, but his unit's equipment had been on a ship for weeks and was ready to dock in Kuwait. His unit was 11 days away from flying into Kuwait to meet up with their equipment. What a stab in my heart! Why was Ken still going to fight in this awful war if major combat operations were over? We knew better and anyone who had one brain cell knew that major combat operations were nowhere near being complete on May 1, 2003. But there was our president, playing Fighter Pilot George all decked out in his flight gear. He may have had more flight time on that flight than he did many of the months he "served" in the National Guard.

On his weekly radio address Saturday morning, the president said:

There will be more tough fighting ahead in Iraq and more days of sacrifice and struggle. Yet the enemies of freedom have suffered a real blow in recent days, and we have taken great strides on the march to victory. Iraq's leaders now have laid the foundations for a democratic government of, by, and for the Iraqi people.

blah, blah, blah...He keeps telling us things are getting better in Iraq and then he says there will be more tough fighting ahead. THAT'S BECAUSE THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL IN IRAQ. Which line do you think the family of the 2400th soldier will believe?

I wrote this essay on the occasion of the death of the 1700th US soldier back in June 2005. It applies today as we mark the death of the 2400th US soldier. I'm sorry; that's all I can say to this family; I'm so sorry. I really am doing what I can to bring our troops home.

1700
They just drove away. Your new world is black and white; it's upside down and inside out. You scream and do not recognize the pain coming from a place you never knew existed. You scream again and the sound is your soul leaving your body.You might not have even heard the words, "I regret to inform you", because all you needed was to see who was at your door and you knew. Every nightmare you had about your loved one being killed in Iraq has just come true. Every prayer for their safety on this earth will never be answered. Every deal you made was off.

You cannot possibly know, but you are not alone. 1699 other hearts broke again as we saw the number tick one more to 1700 and then 1701 and 1702. We know your pain, we know the hellish journey that you have just begun and there is nothing to say except "I'm sorry". We have hugs to offer and maybe some advice, but as the moon rises, you will be alone, knowing that your son or daughter, your husband or wife, your nephew or niece, your best friend is never coming home.The sun will come up in the morning and you may be grateful that you survived another night of your new life, not knowing how. You may be angry that you survived another night without your loved one and wonder why you live and they don't. If only you could trade places.

Some sleep easily, some with medication, some not at all. You want to sleep to fend off exhaustion, but know if you do the nightmares might enter the quiet place that once meant solace. The exhaustion just finds a deeper place inside you, another place unfamiliar to you.If you cry, and some cannot or will not, you will wonder if the crying will ever stop. You don't ever want to stop crying- how will you ever, ever, ever get your arms around this new life? You will never want to cry again; it's just so excruciating. You will wonder how one body can cry so many tears and for so many hours, days and months.

There will be phone calls, cards, flowers and food. But all you want is your old life back, knowing that your loved one will be coming home alive and well.There will be prayers and religious services. Prayers for you, prayers for your loved one, prayers for peace, prayers for strength. Some will seek comfort in their faith, some will be interminably angry at God.You never imagined signing a document called "Disposition of Remains" but there it is, your loved ones name, in black and white. That name doesn't belong there. It belongs on a letter with love from Iraq, it belongs on an email, but it doesn't belong there. You will see their name again in headlines, on TV, on letters of condolence and on other legal documents and it never feels right. His or her name doesn't belong there!

There will be questions, there will be details. You want to know all the details; you want to know none- at the same time. You have questions- so many questions and so do they. How could this be happening? What kind of funeral service, cremation or burial? Who will speak? When is the body coming home? Why is the body coming home? My son or daughter is supposed to be coming home- NOT THEIR BODY!

The flags will fly at half staff, an indication that one young friend described as "someone is sad". The flag will cover the coffin, soon to be handed to you, with the words "On behalf of a grateful nation…" Flags will arrive in the mail having flown over the state capitol or the nation's capitol. They all mean the same thing- your loved one is never coming home and someone is very, very sad.

Maybe you never heard the phrase "Pain shared is divided". We share your pain; we live & breathe your pain ever single day. While you may have never imagined you would be a part of this group, please know that you are not alone.

With love from one Gold Star Mom.

More Shame on Colin Powell

It's pretty easy for Colin Powell to now say he "advised President Bush before the Iraq war to send more troops to the country, but the administration did not follow his recommendation". He's the former Secretary of State and with 2400 dead soldiers under his belt, in a war he did nothing to stop, it just seems a little too easy and a little too late for him to say "I told ya so".

How long ago did he forget about his years as a soldier? How long ago did he forget that he was a General, a leader of men? Before troops were sent into the middle east, back in 2002 or 2003, he could have and should have shouted from the rooftops, "SEND MORE TROOPS TO IRAQ", and fallen on his sword, but no, he has waited until now, nearly 4 years too late and his statement is barely a whisper.

People still say that Colin Powell isn't so bad. If you feel that way, you are wrong. He stood in front of the UN in 2003, and while he refused to cite the 16 words that Bush spoke at the state of the Union earlier in the month about Iraq attempting to acquire uranium from Africa, he knew he was not speaking the truth. He said

My colleagues, every statement I make today is backed up by sources, solid sources. These are not assertions. What we're giving you are facts and conclusions based on solid intelligence. I will cite some examples, and these are from human sources.

We know the sources were not solid, and the information was not based on solid intelligence. It was based on information that was formed to fit the premise this administration wanted, and what they wanted was to go to war with Iraq.

I hold Colin Powell, George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld personally responsible for the death of my only child, Lt Ken Ballard.
Why? Here are the facts.

• 1st Cavalry had arrived in Iraq on 3.29.04 to replace 1st Armored Division.
• Ken's unit turned in their weapons on 4.3.04.
• No soldiers from Ken's unit had been killed as of 4.3. 04.
• Ken's unit had shipped their personal belongings home.
• They were ready to march out of Baghdad the week of 4.10.04.
• Ken expected to be home in Germany by late April.
• On 4.14.04, 1st Armor Division was operationally extended for 120 days because the "mission was not complete" (read that, there weren't enough soldiers in Iraq.)
• Instead of shopping for Ken's Homecoming Party, we had to fire up the CARE package shipping schedule, which had ceased as we awaited Ken's return. We resumed shipping necessities & goodies to Iraq.
• Every single day in May, Ken's unit was in combat.
• Ken was killed on 5.30.04.
• 4 men from Ken's unit were killed by the end of May.
• All of those soldiers should have been home safely to their families.

And the answer is, Bush, Powell, Rumsfeld and Cheney are responsible for my son's death because they did not properly plan for this war by providing sufficient boots on the ground, equipment, and training, they didn't plan for the peace. And worst of all, they don't know how to get out of Iraq. I suspect they would if they thought about it, but with 6 enduring bases, 4 American and 2 UK, being built in Iraq, bigger than any we have seen before, why would they want to?

Peace

Bruce Eric Kaplan from The New Yorker Magazine

that's all.....

1000 Days and Counting

In 1000 days, this president will go away, his time is up, his term is over, but let's not get excited anytime soon. Bush and his cronies will have done more damage to this country and our earth during his administration than anyone could have ever imagined.

I will always remember the night of the 2000 Presidential elections. I was not employed at the time, so I had the liberty of staying up all night to watch this slow moving train wreck. The networks were as confused as any of us. "We call Florida for Bush, no Gore, wait, no Bush". It went on for days as we waited for the Supreme Court to decide. The Supreme Court? Since when did they decide presidential elections? It seemed surreal to me. I remember thinking how awful it would be for this country to have Bush as the president. I quickly told myself, well, it will only be 4 years. How bad can it be? After 4 years people will realize how bad it had been and we could have a more reasonable person in charge of the country. It didn't work out that way.

It turns out, that the 2000 Presidential election was a day that changed my life forever. Because of Bush's election and because of the policies of his administration, my only child is dead. On 5.30.04, two Army soldiers knocked on my door to tell me that my son, Lt Ken Ballard was killed in battle in Najaf, Iraq.

When Bush was asked recently if there would be a day when there would be no more American soldiers in Iraq, he responded "That, of course, is an objective, and that will be decided by future Presidents and future governments of Iraq." He just doesn't care; it's not his responsibility anymore.

Nearly 18,000 American soldiers have been wounded. How high will that number grow in 1000 days? 2390 American soldiers have died in Bush's little regime change project. How many more will die in the next 1000 days?

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the death of Sgt Sherwood Baker, my friend's, the Zappala's oldest son. He was killed while protecting the Iraq Survey Group as they searched for the Weapons of Mass Destruction. He was the first Pennsylvania National Guardsman killed in combat since 1945.

This Saturday is the 2 year anniversary of the death of Sgt Adam Estep, my friend, Ken Estep's oldest son and Carrie's bonus son. Adam had been married barely 2 months when he was killed. He was a brilliant artist. Adam's unit, 1st Cavalry had arrived from Texas 30 days before.

April 2004 was a bad month with 140 Coalition soldiers dead; 4.67 a day. Now two years later, this April, in 2006, is on track to be a bad month for casualties as well. Things are not getting any better; it doesn't matter how many times Bush and his cronies tell us it is. He says that again and again and again, hoping that we will believe the lies that led to this war.

The President's numbers are at an all time low of 32%, and he continues to insist the that the best way to honor the sacrifices of the fallen is to complete the mission and to stay the course. Please do not honor the sacrifice of my son by killing one more person. Honor the sacrifice of my son with the truth.

As we mourn the loss of our soldiers, the US mainstream media doesn't report on Iraqi casualties. Their most precious resource, the Iraqi sons and daughters are being killed in this mess, too. We don't know the number, but it is estimated that the number is more than 30,000, and some say up to 100,000.

We are at the 1000 day countdown, but I'm not waiting. I will continue to speak out, meet with legislators, and work for change. I gave this country my best I had and I will not stop- what are you doing and what will you do to stop this war and this administration?

I hope this is a light at the end of the tunnel 1000 days away, but I fear it is another Bush freight train bearing down on us and is still out of control.

Unwelcoming Bush to California

It was Unwelcome Bush day in San Jose, Stanford & St Helena in California and I was one happy camper. Bush doesn't come to these parts much, but he braved it on Friday. For the record, I do not want to meet the current president of the US; there is nothing he could say that would make me believe he understands the pain he has caused millions of people in this country. He cannot say anything to make me believe he has given any thought to what a family experiences when their loved one is killed in his ugly war. I don't think he cares, either.

As I said, I was giddy as a school girl going on my first date. I didn't want to meet Bush or see him, but I really wanted to be in a crowd to let him know we're really not that into him here in Silicon Valley. My friends from Gold Star Families Speak Out had done their part to dog Bush and to let him know that he wasn't welcome in their towns, it was my turn now. I brought my big poster sized photo of Ken, it's the Lt Stripes pose, probably a better pose than Bill Murray ever did in Ken's favorite movie, Stripes. I wore my best shirt with the photo of Ken on the front and his headstone from Arlington on the back. That usually gets my message across.

There was a lot of confusion on Friday morning about public transportation or even private transportation. Where would we park, where could we park? I think the SJ PD liked it that way just fine. We were told we couldn't walk down a very public street to our assigned "free speech area". WTF? The police officer at that intersection told us we could still drive through, though we were told we could drive and a fellow protester told us she would drive us. The very minute we got to the intersection, less than 3 minutes later, they closed the road. Okay, take deep cleansing breathes....We drove for a bit more and found ourselves at yet another roadblock. We were very close to our intended target area as the crow flies, but the police officers wouldn't let us through. I reminded them that we were trying to get to a "free speech" area and that we had permits, so would they PLEASE tell us how to get there. After a few moments of discussion, they told us, make a u-turn, go back around, blah, blah, blah...It didn't seem that convincing to me, but there really was no other choice. It was becoming very apparent how much money this presidential visit was costing our town in terms of security. The closest we could get to the "free speech" area, which was really a penned-in street, was about 1/2 mile hike and there was only one way in. As a result, there were several hundred protesters in front of Cisco Systems in San Jose. We heard later that there were hundreds more who weren't there, because they couldn't get there or they didn't even know where there was. I'm sure the San Jose PD was quite happy with this conundrum that they had created. For anyone who actually got there, we earned our way in! We knew we were in the right place when we heard the drumming and chanting and other political commentary. The Liars Anonymous performance courtesy my friend, Jeff.

Many kudos to the people who organized this event in such a short amount of time, especially the folks from South Bay Mobilization. The World Can't Wait, and several more groups were also in attendance. My friends from Mountain View Voices for Peace and Military Families Speak Out were also there. Because of the president's appearance, most every media outlet was in attendance as well.

Although people were still straggling in, the organizers thought it was time to begin with some speeches. I spoke first

Today is the day we unwelcome George W. Bush to San Jose. Today is the day we let him know that the people of the Bay Area are not alone when we say we want our country back....This week when retired generals are calling for the resignation of the Secretary of Defense, the President made it clear once again that he is not listening to the military of the citizens of this country because HE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!....We still don't know what the noble cause is. Why are we in Iraq? Why is there no exit strategy? When did Peace become a bad word?.....and I ended with PRESIDENT BUSH, GO BACK TO WASHINGTON, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!

While people from other organizations spoke, many people came up to me afterwards and thanked me for speaking, for being there. One man, a former police officer spoke to me and told me he had been laying low on the peace movement, he was angry about a lot of things, but mostly he was mad at the individual soldiers. I started to interrupt him, but he continued. He told me that he had heard me speak in Palo Alto at the rally marking the 3rd anniversary of the war, about a month ago. He told me how he was touched by what I had to say then and how it impacted him. I think that was why he was at the rally on Friday. Score one more for the peace movement; all of our voices are powerful AND necessary.

None of us really expected to see Bush and we were not disappointed in that. Instead of arriving via limousine, he flew in via Marine One, the Presidential helicopter. While he spoke about his pro-technology agenda with about 250 business leaders inside Cisco, we continued to entertain ourselves with speeches, songs, drumming and general peaceful protesting.

This peaceful gathering did not warrant the overwhelming police presence in San Jose. By my count there were probably 4-5 protesters for each police officer. There were a nearly 20 officers on horseback. And the piece de resistance was the police officer filming each one of us to document our presence. He tried to look subtle, but how can you when you have a videocamera in front of your face?

Bush & Co took off in their helicopters and headed to Stanford. A big high 5 to the students and others who did such a good job of keeping Bush from his intended destination on the campus. Bravo! They did eventually get to the campus home of George Shulz, a former Secretary of State. Bush was not welcome at Stanford, either.

On Saturday morning, Bush took a mountain bike ride after his overnight stay in the wine country. He told a reporter who accompanied him on the ride "I still ride the mountain bike primarily to help settle the soul and to burn off the excess energy one gets when you're living life to its fullest," I'm so happy for him. He's living his life to the fullest, settling his soul. We sir, are trying to end a war and stop the killing, but I'm glad he can find time for a bike ride. This ain't no war president; he just doesn't care. For that matter, he doesn't even pretend to care. Give him a couple of ibuprophen and maybe that'll cure his case of Iraq fatigue.

There were protesters in the Napa Valley and there were protesters in Sacramento. The President was not welcome there, either.

Go back to Washington, Mr Bush, you are not welcome in California. If you come back, we'll greet you the same.

p.s. Happy Earth Day and Happy Birthday to Gary.

What difference does it make?

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?

Mahatma Gandhi
(1869 - 1948), "Non-Violence in Peace and War"

No difference.

Rumsfeld should resign

I was first asked about Rumsfeld by a reporter in December 2004. He asked me should Rumsfeld resign? I told him yes.

The subject that time was the 1000 plus condolence letters that Rumsfeld did not personally sign. I had suspected that the letter of condolence regarding the death of my only child, Lt Ken Ballard that I received from the Secretary of Defense had not been personally signed. Despite many weeks of denying that he had a machine sign those letters to the first 1000 families of soldiers killed in Iraq, he finally admitted that a machine had signed them.

“At the earliest moment in the global war on terror, I determined that it is important that military families who have lost loved ones in hostile actions receive a letter from me directly.
“I wrote and approved the now more than 1000 letters sent to family members and next of kin of each of the servicemen and women killed in military action. While I have not individually signed each one, in the interest of ensuring expeditious contact with grieving family members, I have directed that in the future I sign each letter.

I can assure Rumsfeld that at that time, military families don't care about an expeditious anything except an expeditious return of their loved one's body. So, don't do us any favors, we can wait for your hollow words.

What Rumsfeld, Bush, every member of Congress and the Senate and every single government official who sends a condolence letter to a family who is suffering this loss, should do this. First write the letter and make it meaningful. Generally, the letter is a form letter, I think the Army must have about 5 different templates to choose from. The official should be forced to sit down and read the letter that they send to the family along with a photograph of that soldier. They should look into that face, and see the dreams that died, the future that died and the family that died when that soldier died. Did he or she have children? Were they in love? What was their favorite music? Those officials should understand who is dying in this war. They should see the faces of our countries most precious resource, our sons and daughters, our future. And mostly they should cry. Because then we will know they are being touched by this war. It's shameful that they don't.

The next time those legislators are sitting in their seat ready to cast a vote, they should remember those faces and think of the soldiers who are still in Iraq because of their continued support of the war. They should ask themselves why they are casting that vote and in who's best interest is it?

Retired Army Col. David Hackworth, an author and frequent critic of the Department of Defense, publicly criticized Rumsfeld in a syndicated column earlier this month for not reviewing each KIA letter personally.
He called the fake signatures “like having it signed by a monkey.”

We don't know if Rumsfeld is signing condolence letters now, but at the rate soldiers are being killed, he must have quite a stack. By the way, many families believe that Bush hasn't signed his condolence letters either. My sister asked me if I thought Bush was afraid he would be found out. I said 'I doubt it, he doesn't even know he's signing them"

We didn't know back in December 2004 how badly Rumsfeld would bungle the job in Iraq. We didn't know how many soldiers would still be dying. But we know that Rumsfeld doesn't listen to the military, he went in with inadequate forces and he still has no exit plan. And we know that 2378 soldiers have died in this illegal and immoral war.

The military and our country deserves better. Yes, it is time for Rumsfeld to resign.

Georgie is Bored

George Bush is like a kid at Christmas time. As one of the leaders of the free world, he has lots to keep himself occupied, but this president has too many toys to play with and he's bored again, so he's looking for something new to break.

4 years ago he rolled the dice and he landed on Iraq. One of the of the game pieces he found most interesting was the actual country of Iraq, and possibly the leader of that country, Saddam Hussein. Despite being told not to (Don't touch that Georgie!), he sent our military into Iraq in an illegal invasion and that country is now very broken. You could probably make a good case that Iraq was weakened by many years of sanctions, but for the sake of this discussion, let's just say it was the war that broke Iraq. But Georgie is bored with Iraq; he has a good old case of Iraq fatigue and he needs something new to entertain him.

Thankfully, there are several generals that aren't bored and are calling for the resignation of the Secretary of Defense. Bush has previously said that he listened to the military, but he isn't listening now. CNN reported that

Despite a practice of not usually commenting on personnel moves, the president told reporters Tuesday that his vote of confidence for Rumsfeld was an effort to stamp out speculation about his status. "You can understand why, because we've got people's reputations at stake," Bush said of his usual aversion to speculation about personnel matters.

No, Georgie, we have lives at stake who are fighting your war. PAY ATTENTION!

"And on Friday I stood up and said, 'I don't appreciate the speculation about Don Rumsfeld; he's doing a fine job; I strongly support him.' " Pressed to respond to critics who say he is ignoring the advice of respected former military commanders, Bush vigorously stood by Rumsfeld. "I listen to all voices, but mine is the final decision," he said. "And Don Rumsfeld is doing a fine job. He's not only transforming the military, he's fighting a war on terror. He's helping us fight a war on terror. I have strong confidence in Don Rumsfeld. "I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."

Note the president of this country says he reads only the front page, maybe because it's got BIG writing and that's all he can comprehend, maybe he gets bored when he gets past the front page. If I was a betting woman, and I am, I'll give you odds that he never misses the comic section. Bet he gets a giggle out of Doonesbury.

Bush could have engaged in rebuilding the Gulf Coast of our country after the destruction of hurricane Katrina, and he promised to do just that, but that got boring, too. There are too many poor people who were in dire need of support from their government and it still hasn't come nearly 8 months later. That area is still very broken. Georgie's looking for a new toy to break.

Bush's new toy is Iran and that is downright scary. In the current New Yorker magazine, Sy Hersh quotes a member of the House of Representatives:

No one in the meetings "is really objecting" to the talk of war (in Iran). "The people they're briefing are the same ones who led the charge on Iraq. At most, questions are raised: How are you going to hit all the sites at once? How are you going to get deep enough?" (Iran is building facilities underground.) "There's no pressure from Congress" not to take military action, the House member added. "The only political pressure is from the guys who want to do it." Speaking of President Bush, the House member said, "The most worrisome thing is that this guy has a messianic vision."

Messianic? That's frightening when it is in the same sentence as the president of the United States. I don't think he has ever used that word in describing the axis of evil, but that's what I think of when I hear the word. This is the same leader who has failed miserably in Iraq and who is failing the people of his own country in terms of education and healthcare and every other sector.

Maybe someone can put some Ritalin in Georgie's purple koolaid so he can pay attention to the needs of this country as the Presidential job description requires him to. Our country needs a leader, not a distracted child.

Peeps Rule!

Easter wasn't the biggest holiday when I was raising my son, Ken, but we always did the Easter basket thing. We had the mandatory chocolate bunnies, jelly beans (I like Starburst brand the best), and Ken's favorite creme eggs. Ya gotta have marshmallow peeps at Easter time, and they became a particular curiosity to Ken and me.

Peeps are now made year round, you've got the peeps chicks, the peeps bunnies, creamy Easter eggs, Halloween ghosts and cats, Christmas trees and snowmen and for Valentines Day, peeps hearts. It's become a tradition to leave peeps at Ken's grave in Arlington when I visit. When I was in Virginia in February, I left some Valentines peeps for Ken along with some tulips and I went on my way. A couple of hours later, I received a phone call from one of Ken's friends who had missed me by about an hour. She saw the peeps so she knew I had been there. We had a nice conversation catching up after her deployment to Kuwait. I like it when people visit Ken's grave.

Peeps have been around since 1953 and are the favorite Easter candy, it says so on their official marshamallowpeeps.com. There are over 200 unofficial peeps websites. As a peep aficionado, I care about the health and welfare of peeps. One of my favorites is Peepresearch.com, with over a million visitors since 1998. The research includes experiments to test the reactions of peeps to cold, heat, solubility testing and low pressure environments. One of the most under-represented areas of study worldwide, issues of Peep well-being are only now making their way into the mainstream consciousness. This student group did a risk analysis on the effects of smoking and drinking and investigated whether these same health risks apply to Peeps. Their conclusion on this experiment? The synergistic effect of smoking and alcohol in Peeps produces a rapidly exothermic oxidation reaction, leading to a chemical and morphological divergence from the wild-type Peep phenotypes. And they give a strong recommendation to JustBorn Corporation that they supervise young Peeps and educate them of the risks associated with smoking and alcohol. Good advice for all of us!

Blue Funk

I'm in a funk, a big, fat, blue funk. Maybe others would say I've got the blues. Whatever. I don't like it, but there's not much to like these days.

Maybe it's the rain we've been having in California, it is relentless. I know we Californians are usually so chirpy about our weather, and we admit we are spoiled and we pay good money to live here. My favorite game in the winter is to call friends and relatives back east and ask, oh so sweetly, "so how cold did you say it is? And snow, too? nooooo, you can't be serious...." But we're just downright grumpy about the state of our skies today. When will this rain end?

Maybe it's the stories from the White House that are downright scary. I can't decide if they are laughing their asses off at us or if they really just don't care. Maybe both, probably both. If you don't hear the deafening sounds of the drum beat of war in Iran, you're just not listening. PAY ATTENTION! Bush said the idea that Iran would be the next U.S. military target as "pure speculation" Listen folks, that's what he told us even as they were drawing up war plans for Iraq. Thankfully,
54% said they did not trust him to "make the right decision about whether we should go to war with Iran

Retired Generals & Colonels are finally crawling out from under their rocks and are speaking up about how how badly it is to going in Iraq and calling for Rumsfeld's resignation. Retired Major General John Baptiste, who commanded the Big Red One, the Army's 1st Infantry Division in Iraq until November,said:

"You know, it speaks volumes that guys like me are peaking out from retirement about the leadership climate in the Department of Defense," Batiste told CNN. "I believe we need a fresh start in the Pentagon. We need a leader who understands teamwork, a leader who knows how to
build teams, a leader that does it without intimidation," said Batiste, a West Point graduate who also served in the 1991 Persian Gulf War.

"When decisions are made without taking into account sound military recommendations, sound military decision-making, sound planning - then we're bound to make mistakes," he said.

Rumsfeld has offered to resign more than once, but Bush won't think of it. Bush is telling us Rummy's doing a heckuva job and we know what that means! When Bush spoke to the country back in December,2005 he said We will continue to listen to honest criticism, and make every change that will help us complete the mission. Yet there is a difference between honest critics who recognize what is wrong, and defeatists who refuse to see that anything is right about He's not listening, he never listens. I don't mean to be disrespectful to these Generals but where were they 4 years ago? Why didn't they fall on their swords then? How many lives would have been saved if they cared more about their soldiers instead of their retirement?

The news out of Iraq isn't getting any better. Baghdad is not safe for anyone these days and murder,assassination and kidnapping are the words of the day. There have been 3 times as many American casualties half way through April than ALL of March. Bush tells his audiences, the handpicked ones, he's optimistic about Iraq, we've also seen signs of a hopeful future. The sad thing is he's lying again or he really believes what he's saying and that means he's terribly out of touch with reality.

Maybe it's the voices on the tapes from the cockpit recorder from Flight 93 to SFO on 9/11 that are so gutwrenching, more in hindsight than what we knew then. But if these guys are repeating "Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest" as they prepare to take down an airliner with 44 people aboard, including the 4 hijackers, do they really think that Allah will greet them with open arms? Not any religion I know about. Love thy neighbor works for me, even if you don't like someone very much. There's a bumper sticker going around that says "When Jesus said, "Love your enemies", I think he probably meant don't kill them.

Maybe it was 2 years ago that my only child, Lt Ken Ballard was ready to come home from his hellish year in Iraq. He had done his job, and just when we were putting on those final touches to the Welcome home party, 1st Armor Division was extended for 120 days more of hell. Except, I didn't know at the time the meaning of hell. Everyday from now until May 30, I can tell you this was the day Ken was in battle here or there, this was the day when he sent this photo, this was the day we talked about his 1 month of block leave, this was the day I got that letter. So all these milestone days are coming up on me, more like a tsunami than a flood. Your mind can't control it and your heart doesn't want to. Because as painful as those memories are, Ken is not forgotten. On Memorial Day this year I will be at Arlington National Cemetery again with family & friends to celebrate Ken's life and the 26 years that we had him in our lives. Ken will not be forgotten.

I spent a few hours last night looking at Ken's website, www.ltkenballard.com, looking at photos and reading comments people have left from all over the world. Ken's website is my project to insure that people will know who he was. Some nights the tears won't stop.

Maybe it's that I just read that one of the soldiers from Ken's unit was killed last week. I have been in fear of that since I heard they were back in Iraq back in January.

Pvt. Jody W. Missildine, 19, of Plant City, Fla., died in Tal Afar, Iraq, on April 8, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during convoy operations. Missildine was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 37th Armored Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Armored Division, Friedberg, Germany.

Jody's family doesn't know what has hit them yet. Jody's body will be getting home to Florida this week, but they won't see a photo of his flag covered casket arriving at Dover AFB, because the Department of Defense has regulations that prevent those photos from being taken. It's for the privacy of the families they say. Another lie that they keep repeating hoping that we will believe it.

Yeah, I'm in a testy mood today, but I've earned it. We all have!

Hope Springs Eternal

Senator John McCain says he respects DeLay's decision to step down So do I but why did DeLay wait so long? When you've been indicted on money-laundering charges, thats the bidness you should be attending to, NOT re-election. Don't you think the good folks in Texas deserve a break from those evil ways? Some people have said they are going to miss DeLay. Miss him? Like a splinter removed from your finger? Yeah, the splinter is gone, but there's likely a messy mess left while the healing is going on. No, I will not miss DeLay and his corruption and hate. Let's move on!

He says he doesn't want to be a hindrance to his party. Too late! "I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative personal campaign," DeLay said. He took care of that negative personal campaign by leaving the race. Without him there is a nice chance for decorum. With a well-earned nickname like Hammer, it's fair to say that "decorum" is not part of his vocabulary.

If I'm appearing a bit giddy about this bit of news, why, yes, I guess I am! There's not alot of good news these days, what with the Iraq war now into it's 4th year. This month the death toll is already nearly tripled from last month, and honestly, things in Afghanistan aren't going any better. So when one of the bad guys takes a tumble, and that is what DeLay is, there's no denying this is good news and hope springs eternal.

When I was in Crawford, TX, right outside the president's ranch last summer, one of the things we talked about was our political fantasies. I was waiting to see Bush & Cheney fly off in a helicopter a 'la Richard Nixon. Another wanted to watch the whole bunch of them do the perp walk out of the White House. There were others that are not fit for printing here, so I'll hold back, but suffice to say, in the end we all agreed we could live with any of those outcomes.

So farewell Tom DeLay, your party may miss you, but the rest of us won't.

The Art of War

I'm going to let Scott Ritter's words have this space today. Scott holds the bar high for those who question the path to war and the incompetence that continues. He earned that right as a Marine Intelligence Officer and then as a UN weapons inspector.

There is some controversy that Scott has changed his tune, or has gone from red to blue in support of this war. There are some who say "you voted for the war" and that stops the accused in their tracks. They did vote for the war based on a stack of information that we now know was manipulated to make a case for this war. We have document after document and personal accounts that Bush & his neocon buddies were making a case for this war since at least day one of this administration. So cut the crap! We were lied to and now based on the information that is now available, we want to bring the troops home. And if you supported the war, and you haven't changed your mind, then you haven't been paying attention!

Read Scott's words and take some time to see if you agree or disagree. It's worth a few minutes of your time.

The Art of War for the anti-war movement March 31, 2006.

It's high time to recognize that we as a nation are engaged in a life-or-death struggle of competing ideologies with those who promote war as an American value and virtue.

In the months leading up to the invasion of Iraq by a US-led coalition, and for three years since, I have spent many hours speaking to numerous anti-war forums across the country and around the world. I have always been struck by the sincerity of the vast majority of those who call themselves anti-war, and impressed by their willingness to give so much of themselves in the service of such a noble cause.

Whether participating in demonstrations, organizing a vigil, conducting town-hall meetings, or writing letters to their elected officials and the media, the participants in the anti-war movement have exhibited an energy and integrity that would make anyone proud. For myself, I have been vociferous in my defense of the actions of the majority of the anti-war movement, noting that the expression of their views is not only consistent with their rights afforded by the Constitution of the United States, but also that their engagement in the process of citizenship is a stellar example of the ideals and values set forth in that document, and as such representative of the highest form of patriotism in keeping with service to a document that begins, "We the People."

Lately I have noticed a growing despondency among many of those who call themselves the anti-war movement. With the United States now entering its fourth year of illegal war in and illegitimate occupation of Iraq, and the pro-war movement moving inexorably towards yet another disastrous conflict with Iran, there is an increasing awareness that the cause of the anti-war movement, no matter how noble and worthy, is in fact a losing cause as currently executed. Despite all of the well-meaning and patriotic work of the millions of activists and citizens who comprise the anti-war movement, America still remains very much a nation not only engaged in waging and planning wars of aggression, but has also become a nation which increasingly identifies itself through its military and the wars it fights. This is a sad manifestation of the fact that the American people seem to be addicted to war and violence, rather than the ideals of human rights, individual liberty, and freedom and justice for all that should define our nation.

In short, the anti-war movement has come face to face with the reality that in the ongoing war of ideologies that is being waged in America today, their cause is not just losing, but is in fact on the verge of complete collapse. Many in the anti-war movement would take exception to such a characterization of the situation, given the fact that there seems to be a growing change in the mood among Americans against the ongoing war in Iraq. But one only has to scratch at the surface of this public discontent to realize how shallow and superficial it is. Americans aren't against the war in Iraq because it is wrong; they are against it because we are losing.

Take the example of Congressman Jack Murtha. A vocal supporter of President Bush's decision to invade Iraq, last fall Mr. Murtha went public with his dramatic change of position, suddenly rejecting the war as un-winnable, and demanding the immediate withdrawal of American troops from Iraq. While laudable, I have serious problems with Jack Murtha's thought process here. At what point did the American invasion of Iraq become a bad war? When we suffered 2,000 dead? After two years of fruitless struggle? Once we spent $100 billion?

While vocalizing his current opposition against the Iraq War, Congressman Murtha and others who voted for the war but now question its merits have never retracted their original pro-war stance. Nor have they criticized their role in abrogating the Constitutional processes for bringing our country into conflict when they voted for a war before the President had publicly committed to going to war (we now know the President had committed to the invasion of Iraq by the summer of 2002, and that all his representations to the American people and Congress about 'war as a matter of last resort' and 'seeking a diplomatic solution' were bold face lies). The Iraq War was wrong the moment we started bombing Iraq. Getting rid of Saddam Hussein is no excuse, and does not pardon America's collective sin of brooking and tolerating an illegal war of aggression.

The reality is, had our military prevailed in this struggle, the American people for the most part would not even blink at the moral and legal arguments against this war. This underlying reality is reflected in the fact that despite our ongoing disaster in Iraq, America is propelled down a course of action that leads us toward conflict with Iran. President Bush recently re-affirmed his embrace of the principles of pre-emptive war when he signed off on the 2006 version of the National Security Strategy of the United States, which highlights Iran as a threat worthy of confrontation. This event has gone virtually unmentioned by the American mainstream media, un-remarked by a Congress that remains complicit in the war-mongering policies of the Bush administration, and un-noticed by the majority of Americans. America is pre-programmed for war, and unless the anti-war movement dramatically changes the manner in which it conducts its struggle, America will become a nation of war, for war, and defined by war, and as such a nation that will ultimately be consumed by war.

It is high time for the anti-war movement to take a collective look in the mirror, and be honest about what they see. A poorly organized, chaotic, and indeed often anarchic conglomeration of egos, pet projects and idealism that barely constitutes a "movement," let alone a winning cause. I have yet to observe an anti-war demonstration that has a focus on anti-war. It often seemed that every left-wing cause took advantage of the event to promote its own particular agenda, so that "No War in Iraq" shared the stage with the environment, ecology, animal rights, pro-choice, and numerous other causes which not only diluted the anti-war message which was supposed to be sent, but also guaranteed that the demonstration itself would be seen as something hijacked by the left, inclusive of only progressive ideologues, and exclusive of the vast majority of moderate (and even conservative) Americans who might have wanted to share the stage with their fellow Americans from the left when it comes to opposing war with Iraq (or even Iran), but do not want to be associated with any other theme.

The anti-war movement, first and foremost, needs to develop a laser-like focus on being nothing more or less than anti-war.

The anti-war movement lacks any notion of strategic thinking, operational planning, or sense of sound tactics. So much energy is wasted because of this failure to centrally plan and organize. As a result, when the anti-war movement does get it right (and on occasion it does), the success is frittered away by a failure to have planned effective follow-up efforts, failure to have implemented any supporting operations, an inability to recognize opportunities as they emerge and a lack of resources to exploit such opportunities if in fact they were recognized to begin with. In short, the anti-war movement is little more than a walk-on squad of high school football players drawing plays in the sand, taking on the National Football League Super Bowl Champions.
In order to even have a chance of prevailing with the American people, the anti-war movement is going to need much more than just good ideals and values. It needs to start thinking like a warrior would, in full recognition that we as a nation are engaged in a life-or-death struggle of competing ideologies with those who promote war as an American value and virtue.

The anti-war movement needs to study the philosophies of those who have mastered the art of conflict, from Caesar to Napoleon, from Sun Tzu to Clausewitz. It needs to study the "enemy" learning to understand the pro-war movement as well as it understands itself. It needs to comprehend the art of campaigning, of waging battles only when necessary, and having the ability to wage a struggle on several fronts simultaneously, synchronizing each struggle so that a synergy is created which maximizes whatever energy is being expended. The anti-war movement needs to understand the pro-war movement's center of gravity, and design measures to defeat this. It needs to grasp the pro-war movement's decision-making cycle, then undertake a comprehensive course of action that learns to pre-empt this cycle, getting 'inside' the pro-war system of making decisions, and thereby forcing the pro-war movement to react to the anti-war agenda, instead of vice versa.

There is an old adage in the military that “intelligence drives operations.” The anti-war movement needs to develop a centralized intelligence operation, not a spy organization, but rather a think-tank that produces sound analysis based upon fact that can be used to empower those who are waging the struggle against war. Far too often the anti-war movement dilutes its effectiveness by either being unable to produce facts during a debate, or when it does, producing facts that are inaccurate, incomplete, or both. The mainstream media treats the anti-war movement as a joke because many times that is exactly what the anti-war movement, through its lack of preparation and grasp of the facts, allows itself to become.

The anti-war movement lacks organization. There is no central leadership, or mechanism to effectively muster and control resources. The anti-war movement takes pride in its “democratic” composition, but in fact it operates as little more than controlled chaos, creating ample opportunity for the pro-war movement to effectively execute a “divide and conquer” strategy to minimize and nullify whatever good the anti-war movement achieves through its efforts. The anti-war movement would do well to take a page from the fire service and implement a version of the Incident Command System (ICS) that firefighters use when fighting complex fires involving the integration of several departments, organizations and jurisdictions. The anti-war movement needs to develop its own “ICS for the anti-war” that is universally applied throughout the movement, so that an anti-war effort in Seattle, Washington operates the same as an anti-war effort in New York City, and as such can be coordinated and controlled by an overall command staff operating from Denver, Colorado.

Complex problems, such as faced by the anti-war movement, require complex solutions, which in turn dictate a flexible control mechanism that can coordinate and synchronize every effort to achieve the desired result at a time and place of the anti-war movement's choosing, and then be prepared to follow up on successes as they occur and sustain the movement over an extended period of time. It is not enough to win a battle against the pro-war movement; the anti-war movement needs to win the war of ideologies. As such it must not only prepare to win a particular fight, but to exploit that victory, massing its forces against any developed weakness, and drive the pro-movement into the ground and off the American political map once and for all.
I have indicated my willingness to apply my training and experience as a warrior in a manner which helps teach the principles of the art of war to those who call themselves part of the anti-war movement. There seems to be not only a need for this sort of training, but also a desire among the myriad of individuals and groups who comprise the anti-war movement for an overall coordinated strategic direction, operational planning, and tactical execution of agreed upon mission objectives. One can be certain that the pro-war movement is conducting itself in full accordance with these very same organizational principles and methodologies. And let there be no doubt: the pro-war movement in America is prevailing. In order to gain the upper hand politically, and actually position itself to stop not only those wars already being fought (Iraq), but also prevent those being planned (Iran), the anti-war movement will need to re-examine in totality the way it does business. I for one am ready to assist. However, in writing this essay, I am constantly reminded of the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." One can only hope that the anti-war movement is thirsty.

It's Just a Game

On a trip to England this week, Condoleezza Rice recently said the United States had probably made thousands of errors in Iraq, but defended the overall strategy of removing Saddam Hussein. Gee, when the U.S. Secretary of State starts confessing like that, it makes me feel so much better that my only child, Lt Ken Ballard was killed because of these thousands of errors. But, it's okay because we had to get Saddam.

I guess Condi had time to think about what she said, those thousands of errors, because she came back the next day to clarify, when she said that the U.S. had made "thousands" of mistakes in Iraq she meant figuratively, not literally. So it wasn't really thousands, maybe alot, maybe some, but not thousands of errors, right, Condi? And the thousands of American soldiers that have been killed? And the thousands of Iraqi civilians that have been killed? Were they just symbolic, too?

You'd never know that this country was at war with the flippancy that the adminstration treats these kinds of discussions. Like the backdrop on Bush's landing on an aircraft carrier with a banner that stated Mission Accomplished on May 1, 2003. Ken hadn't even arrived in Iraq and anyone who knew anything knew that this war had just begun. There had been no sign of flowers or chocolates and there never would be. That was flippant, too. So was Bush's taunt to those tempted to attack U.S. forces, "Bring them on." on July 2, 2003. Ken had been in Iraq for a little more than a month; he had just been notified that he would be in charge of a platoon of tanks instead of traveling in a HUMVEE. He was so proud of his guys and he was going to be a great platoon leader. I cannot say how offended and horrified I was to hear the president say those words. It still haunts me to hear those words, as if his macho rhetoric would scare anyone off.

It's all just a game to this administration. Despite what they say, they don't care about my son's death or any of the 2332 American casualties or the 17,000 American injuries and they certainly don't care about the "30,000 Iraqis, more or less, who have died as a result of the initial incursion and the ongoing violence against Iraqis." 30,000 more or less....that's what Bush said, more or less. As if he was talking about buying salami at the deli...a pound, more or less.

Presidential Amnesia

Perhaps the President has amnesia, perhaps it's something more sinister, but it is obvious that his holier than thou attitude overrides reality. I'd like to remind the President of the oath of office he took, not once but two times as he became the President of the United States.

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.

I'm wondering if we haven't gotten the Bush translation for those sacred words, but his actions are speaking louder than those words he spoke and swore on a bible. I dunno, maybe I'm holding the bar too high. Maybe the President *is* performing to the best of his ability, but he's doing everything he can to NOT preserve, protect or defend the Constitution.

I know the oath of office for the Presidency is much shorter, and therefore easier for Bush to read and remember, than the Naturalization Oath of Allegiance that is taken by new citizens, but we might want to get someone from the administration to read this document and then give the Cliff Notes version to the President. If it's good enough for new citizens, shouldn't the president of the United States at least be held to the same principles?

"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the armed forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

There is something about supporting and defending the Constitution that keeps coming up. I know the President says he doesn't read the news, but this document, the Constitution .....is studied in 8th grade! You could make a good case that the junior high set is more informed about this precious document that is the written set of fundamental principles by which the United States is governed.

We know now Bush's attendance record in his service in the National Guard, perhaps he played hooky in 8th grade, too. For all the aides that serve the president, couldn't one of them give him a primer on Constitutional principles?